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Understanding Emotional Intelligence (E.Q.)

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What it is

It is not education, not even experience.

Emotional Intelligence is an innate understanding of people.
It is an understanding of one's self.
It is being able to know how to present and how to respond to ideas and events.

It is knowing what you can change, what you can't.
Knowing how to approach a situation and when to leave it alone.
It is being aware of how you do this and why.


Imagine a number of people discussing their jobs and sharing horror stories about their bosses.

One person is nearly hysterical. She is going on and on, no longer conscious of how she is presenting herself. So caught up in her emotions she isn't describing a situation, she is reliving.

This is an example of very low emotional intelligence.

This person can not analyze her feelings. She can not distance them. She can not get behind her emotions to control them. Her feelings control her.

Another employee is making it into a comedy program. She has examined the various 'water boarding' techniques her employer tosses out and has developed coping skills.

This person has a very high E.Q. She has the ability to understand, use, and manage her emotions in positive ways. This control allows her to relieve stress.

She can communicate effectively, empathize with others, and overcome challenges. She can defuse conflict.

She has explored her feelings, has been able to realign her views, controls her reactions.

Not Your Problem

People who are Emotionally Intelligent can differentiate between what is under their control, and what is not.

They internally comprehend that what they can't control is not to effect their balance. What they can control they take control of.

Hence, the Emotionally Intelligent who works for a Boss from Hell will shut off her phone when she leaves the office, turn it on in the morning just before leaves.

She will do as little work as possible, invest not one atom in it, take the attacks by the Boss as 'breaks'. Hence if he begins his babble at 10:15 until 10:26, that is 'time off'. When he completes, pretending hurt, she will go to the bathroom for fifteen minutes.

Hence, his attack has given her another 30 minutes of down time. Further she doesn't listen to his attack, couldn't care less about his opinion, is aware he needs a 'victim' and she's being used as one would a throw pillow.

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Reading the Aura

Being Emotionally Intelligent means one takes the feelings of others into account.

Sometimes one can 'weaponize' feelings. Knowing this person is sensitive to this or overly focused on that gives one an ability to utilize those feelings.

Sometimes one can 'deactivate' feelings so that people who are falling apart because of... can be brought to balance.

Emotionally Intelligent people know how to 'get over'.

For example, John promised to call Mary about a vital matter. As time passed, Mary realized he'd forgotten.

Brightly she rang him saying; "You forgot about me.." in a childish voice.

John denied it, gave the information and at the end she said; "Thanks for calling."

He laughed, said; "You're welcome," and the call ended on a high note.

If she hadn't been E.I. she'd of attacked, he would have defended and the vital issue be pushed in the corner. But aware of what was important, and what could be flicked away, she was able to complete the discussion with amicability.

Picking Up the Vibes

Emotionally Intelligent people are more attuned to the feelings of others than their presentations, their words, the focus.

An E.I. picks up who doesn't like her, who is looking to destroy her, who is neutral, who likes her, who would agree with her, by walking into a room.

She can expose those who don't like her easily, those who want to replace her with a word. She can bring those who are neutral to her side and keep those who are on her side by completely bland words or actions.

In this way, Emotionally Intelligent people have that foot up above those who are Intellectual, for they do not appreciate how they are viewed.

For that is the key; what do people see when they look at you?

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