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Losing Your Virginity!

losing-your-virginity

I guess I was a late developer. Why? Well, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17 years old, (in other words, probably the last girl in my social circle to do so).

Perhaps this was down to the strict way I had been brought up. (My family would have died a thousand deaths and probably strung up any bloke in my life if they had found out I was intimate with the opposite sex beforehand, not to mention me of course). At that age I was also very innocent and naïve, so hadn't even kissed a boy until the first serious boyfriend I had, (and that wasn't until I was 16). It never went any further than the kiss or two we had whilst Prefects at school, in the dark, behind the curtains in the assembly hall. My first impressions being that he smelt and tasted of cigarettes, and that this whole 'French Kissing' lark was grossly overrated and a very sloppy experience.

Still, we carried on seeing each other for a while, until he was seen snogging another girl at a school disco I didn't attend, and I dumped him, resulting in my feeling pretty dejected, and absorbed in "Why me?" mode.

After leaving school at 16, (with a good range of qualifications behind me), I was still a virgin, and incredibly gullible and innocent. I doubt anyone took me too seriously, and I was blissfully uncaring about anything sexual, as all I wanted to do was spend time with my many pets, including my horse, a goat, a stud of over 15 show guinea-pigs/cavies, two dogs and two cats, plus about 60 chickens. Boys were something very near the bottom of my priority list!

When I finally did reach the stage of "losing my virginity", it was nothing like I had planned or expected, (actually the planning was fairly non-existent too). I had always said I would wait until I was married before I would ever have sex, (don't laugh, I meant it when I said it!). I had said a lot of things in my young life by then, including the fact I had no intention of ever marrying having seen what a rotten time my Mum had with my sickly, grumpy Father.

Well, by the age of 17 I had experienced my fair share of lads trying their best to grope their way into my affections. None of them had been successful, mainly due to their immaturity and lack of any personality. I even found one who admitted to me that he hadn't cleaned his teeth in several years.... yuk, I never let him near me again needless to say, (fortunately we had only had a bit of a snog, and any groping he had tried to do he promptly told our friends about in front of me, so I was left very relieved nothing further had happened!)

The few boys I did kind of like were already keen on other girls, or involved with them, and the ones who did show any interest in me seemed only interested in 'taking my virginity', possibly as some kind of trophy, (as it was well known by now that my best friend and I were pretty much the only virgins available).


When it finally happened it was nothing even close to what I had ever expected, and was actually a seriously big disappointment. I had been chatted up by the lead singer of a band/group our Teddy (Rock 'n' Roll) Crowd used to go and see perform during the late 1980s. He was many years my senior, (about 35 when I was 17). He certainly had the 'gift of the gab' as they say, and knew exactly how to charm a naïve 17 year old virgin. I was flattered, and by the time I found out he was married I was in way too deep emotionally.

Determined that he was going to be 'the one', I responded to his flirting, and tried desperately to organise opportunities for us to be together after he finished performing on stage each night. I wanted him to perform in a different way, and was excited by the naughtiness of our plans, (remember I was really naïve and still a virgin with no idea of the aftermath of such behaviour, or the impact on a lot of people's lives).

Well finally an opportunity arose. My family was away for a night or two, and I had our large farmhouse all to myself because I had volunteered to stay home and look after all the animals. I invited him round, and up to my small single bedroom. Hmmmm, not what I had been led to believe happened next. Firstly, for someone who was supposed to be very experienced, his effort damn well hurt, A LOT. Not impressed at all I ended the attempt, still fully virginal as ever.

At a later date I spoke to my doctor and got him to put me on the pill (yes, I know, I should have done that first), and he told me all about "Vaginismus", where a tense woman's muscles contract and make it virtually impossible for a man to penetrate, (or for a VERY unlucky man, it can make it impossible to withdraw, leading to ambulances carrying you and your partner off to hospital still welded together until the doctors can give the woman a relaxant in order to release the male partner).

I decided it was worth another try, but not at home this time!

Well, the next time we tried was in broad daylight in the front seat of his Vauxhall Chevette Car, (or 'Vauxhall Shove-it' as many people called them then). We were parked up by the scenic cliffs in Guernsey in an isolated car park. A very undignified way to lose your virginity, and I don't recommend it. Apart from the obvious discomfort of the confined space, there were the obvious problems such as still being mostly clothed, and in a place people might drive into any time to go sightseeing, and the sights they wanted to see no doubt did not include a naked man's bottom bouncing up and down in the front seat of a car!!

Amazing though it may seem, we did actually manage it. No glamour, no fun, no big 'O' (well for me at least), but wow, major disappointment!! Was this what all the hype had been about? Did people really enjoy this messy activity? And my God, if an experienced 35 year old having intercourse with me only felt like this, God only knows what it could have been like if I had been mad enough to choose a 15 or 16 year old when I had been younger!!

You would think this should have put me off him, but gullible and stupid as ever I continued to chase this man for the next 2 years, in spite of the fact he had largely lost interest since "taking" my virginity. The aggro this caused was huge, especially when it became public knowledge. The problem was I had fallen for him big time, and was not going to give up easily. I wanted him to be my man in life, and although I lived to bitterly regret it, I did get him in the end. If you want to know how it turned out, and what a 'flop' he really became, the story is told in my other hub Living with a Control Freak, which tells how over 13 years later (after moving to the UK mainland and being widowed), I ended up with this man, and what a misery he made of my life, how he tried to strangle my dog, hit me a number of times and even stabbed a friend of ours in Tenerife when we lived there. Fortunately I am no longer with him, and he is a physical mess now, but I do pity the woman who he has now married, as she deserved much better and was a lovely person.

losing-your-virginity

Conclusion

Losing your virginity should be a special occasion.

1) Don't be in a hurry to do this because you fear you are getting left behind and all your friends seem to have 'lost theirs', (that is their misfortune and in most cases you should pity them for not having 'lost' it to a special person).

2) Save it for someone special, and before you decide who that someone is, wait until you are old enough, (or legal), to make an informed decision.

3) Take precautions, don't go near married men, and make certain whoever you choose to sleep with is not going to broadcast it to all of his or her mates as if you were some kind of trophy.

4) Do your research on your chosen person. Do they have a history of sleeping around, and if so, think about the dangers? (They could be carrying a disease such as AIDS that could end your life before it has truly begun).

5) Don't get drunk and give it away to just 'anyone'. You will regret it, (plus you will need to get AIDS tests afterwards, and quite possibly other STD tests, and even pregnancy tests if you are a woman.)

6) Don't rely on the opposite sex to have taken 'precautions', bring your own just in case, and USE them.

7) Most of all find someone you truly love to be the one you share your first time with. It really isn't any fun otherwise, and you WILL look back and regret wasting 'IT', if you just try to 'get it out of the way' with just anyone.

Above all.

GOOD LUCK (don't make the mistakes I did, I was simply lucky I never got pregnant or caught something, but I DID waste my virginity on a man who really was a waste of space, and still is to this day!)

Comments

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on April 19, 2015:

On the plus side RAWR, I can block comment from trolls like you lol!!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 13, 2014:

Hi Alan,

Great to see you here. So nice to know you found the right lady in your wife and that you both loved each another enough to wait for marriage (or at least nearly until marriage) to have sexual relations with each other. I wish more people would think like this today instead of being so horribly promiscuous and keen to sleep with just anybody.

Regards

Cindy

Alan on January 13, 2014:

Hi Cindy, once again I have found another great post hub from you. Of course there are many young teenage girls that will do anything to lose their virginity, but this can also apply to young men as well. I and my future wife (now deceased) were brought up in good homes, both our parents did explain to us about "the birds and the bees" the facts of life, to put it another way. So when we were dating and much in love we 'sort of agreed' to wait until we were married before having sex, in some ways it would have been awkward having sex before we got married for 3 reasons

1:- the danger of being caught

2:- the possibility of her falling pregnant.(her and my parents would have "killed us" if that had happened.

3:-We were quite a sexy couple and then having frequent sex could have proved a bit inconvenient to say the least. So I thought it better to wait until after the wedding. However, we were so desparate to make love that we did do it just 3 weeks BEFORE we got married, it did not matter if she fell pregnant at that time, but by then she was on the pill. After that we made love once a week until we married and lost count of how many times we had sex after we got married, wow, some honeymoon.

I do think it is better to have sex with the person you love, I never went in for 'onenight stands'

Regards

your regular follower

Alan in Scotland.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on March 28, 2012:

Thanks for your comment Blade, you make a great case for staying a virgin. The only thing I disagreed with was waiting until marriage for sex, and the reason for this is a good one. At least one person I know would have made a terrible mistake if she had married her partner before having sex with him. This was because it turned out he had a very 'odd' fetish in the bedroom department that she could never have dealt with long term and was not comfortable with at all. Needless to say they never did marry, but at least by finding this out in advance of marriage she didn't have to go through a divorce.

blade on March 28, 2012:

I strongly recommend waiting until marriage and choosing your spouse carefully. I have seen a handful of girls lose their virginity, only to be dumped the very next day. One got an STD. One was raped. I have seen firsthand, the emotional and physiological devastation that it can do, especially for teenagers. I have seen unwanted teen pregnancy. Women are not objects and don't deserve to be treated that way. Virginity is the GREATEST GIFT you can give your future spouse. All these so called "test drive" theories are all myths. We aren't born as perfect husbands, wives, parents, or lovers. We have been given the ability to learn and become better with practice and communication.

One of the qualities I find very attractive in a woman, is one who demands respect. Guys are much more willing to commit to women who make them wait for sex.

Staying true to this mindset, has allowed me to find an incredible woman who believes in the same things I do. And I am a guy in his 30's.

There is a reason why Tim Tebow is the most popular player in the NFL. It's not because of who he is as a player, but who he is as a person.

WAIT til marriage, it will be worth it.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on March 16, 2012:

Thank you for commenting freemarketingnow. It is so well worth waiting for the right person as you found out :)

freemarketingnow from California on March 16, 2012:

Thanks for sharing from your personal experience. I waited until I was in my late 20's and I was married. It was completely worth it.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on March 01, 2012:

Thanks Sara, I am really grateful you posted back here. Sorry if I seemed a bit 'narked' before, I guess I do feel strongly about this, and took the comment a little bit the wrong way. For this reason I do appreciate you clarifying and hope I caused you no offense in my earlier answer :)

Sara on March 01, 2012:

Hi again mistyhorizon2003. I didn't mean to offend by saying your article was funny! I actually really liked your writing. I just meant that I found your anecdotes to be enjoyable to read while also conveying your message, which I agree with: losing your virginity should not be a race.

Also, I only brought up the religion part of it because of prior comments that seemed to suggest something untrue about religion's point of view on sex being so that the man doesn't need to worry about the woman having had better sex in the past. Just wanted to clear that up.

But yes, I agree that it is something that is natural and there are plenty of religious and non-religious people that feel that way. Again, good writing!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on March 01, 2012:

Thanks for your thoughts Sara, I guess I am disturbed that a this article is seen as 'funny', when it is so serious and should be deterring people from the messes they can get themselves into emotionally and in relationships.

Also disturbed by religion being brought into sex when it is actually natural and nature based, and anything but 'religious'.

Sara on March 01, 2012:

Hi! Just came across this hub. Funny article! But just to clarify much earlier comments on the reason why Muslims are not allowed to have sex before marriage: because it is seen as something special between a man and woman and should be shared only between them in marriage because it helps to create more of the emotional/loving/close connection between them. Although people would agree that of course you want your spouse to be the best you ever had, the truth is that Islam views sex between a man and woman as something very sacred. Frankly, all religions do if you should feel that you want to be religious. It's not something that is exclusive to only one; they all feel that way. If, obviously, you believe in other things or do not feel religious, then of course, to each their own! No one side should judge the other for their decisions. Waiting for marriage to have sex or not waiting to have sex is a personal choice.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 10, 2012:

Well I hope the two of you stay happy together for many years to come. My late Husband was over 15 years older than me, and I loved him to bits to the very end when Cancer finally stole him from me (he was just 48).

Kl re mistyhorizon on January 10, 2012:

I don't know if that is just the thing with men they try to get as much sex as they can but that doesn't mean they should go uncontrollable.

I also agree that once you start indulging in sex it's like wallowing in mud

To be honest I vetted my bf about his previous relationships etc and since he is 10 yrs older than me I knew there would be some surprises in the bag.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 10, 2012:

Hi KI, I am glad you have found a decent partner even if he wasn't someone who really made your heart pound in the early days. The strongest love usually comes with time and is not the immature 'butterflies in stomach' dopamine fueled love anyway. You might find my article on 'Can a relationship work without you being in love' interesting reading on this basis, and it doesn't necessarily mean exactly as the title implies. The link is:

https://hubpages.com/relationships/Can-a-relations...

I hope your former boss came to a sticky end by the way. He sounds like he was a nasty piece of work who should have been reported to someone in authority.

Kl on January 10, 2012:

Wow interesting article

I have to say that I lost my virginity when I was 27. It wasn't so much due to peer pressure but because I had been sexually harassed by my boss at work and I feared that I would lose my virginity if he raped me. As a result I decided to find myself a bf and lose my virginity properly.

My first night was surely not easy but he was very patient and gentle as he was 10 yrs older than me

And clearly knew what he was doing.

I actually had a tint of regret after it was done because honestly I wouldn't see him as my life partner and secondly I was disappointed at how over hyped the whole sex thing is... The only thought I had was " IS THAT IT?!"

It wasn't anything spectacular but my bf has lived up to be a very caring partner so I actually love him more and more

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 09, 2012:

Thanks Drake, I hope others follow it :)

Drake on January 09, 2012:

This is the "BEST" advice ever.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 03, 2012:

Hi Maryam, you are obviously going to have a problem with your family if you try to be with this man and this is very sad as you do love him. Wrong time, wrong place, unfortunately. Hopefully your life will be happy regardless, but I am sad you cannot follow your heart without fear of rejection from your family.

I sincerely wish you the very best of luck in your future.

Maryam Iftekhar on January 03, 2012:

Wow that's an amazing story, well I lost my virginity to my boyfriend when I was 17 years old, I am 18 years old now, but unfortunately I'm a Muslim girl from Pakistan, my boyfriend is my first love that he always makes me so happy, he want to sex with me, I was ready, he say that I'm a special girl for him that he want to sex with me.. He's not Pakistan. He's the one guy that he's my first love and sex. I still love him.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 03, 2012:

You are very welcome TripleT, good luck and I hope all goes well for both you and your girlfriend :)

TripleT on January 03, 2012:

Thank you misty :D Im more confident now. And i think since my gf nd i care about each other it will better my expirience. Now I have to work out the time and place for D day. I love her and im sure i wont regret this later. Thanks again:)

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 02, 2012:

Relax Triple T, it really isn't that complicated. It isn't like trying heroine or something, it is just a natural human activity and you are unlikely to become 'addicted'. The 'wondering' is more likely to effect your mind than not doing it at all, and there is no reason why trying it should interfere with your intellectual capacity. What you are dealing with right now is a fear of the unknown, and my advice is just to 'go for it', you will probably find you are even mildly disappointed at what you have been 'missing out' on, (the hype is always better than the reality).

Good Luck :)

TripleT on January 02, 2012:

Hey misty, great piece of writing by the way. Im a boy, 16 and a virgin and here is my story. I recently got back together with my ex, we had been separated for 1 year. She is 18 and not a virgin. I asked her if she would like the honour to be my first and she said yes. I really want to do it, bt im afraid if i do it will affect my mind. Im amongst the smartest and brightest students in my school. And most of all i fear the possible addiction and change in intellectual capacity if i start having sex. I need a solid solution.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 26, 2011:

Yes, I have had true love in my life, fortunately several times, although sadly my first Husband died from Cancer.

I would think it highly unlikely your Husband would ask you on your wedding night if you were a virgin or not, but if he did, I would immediately act very indignant that he had even asked such a question, and tell him what I have told you about tampons or horse riding.

nidhi on December 26, 2011:

thank u so much mam 4 ur wishes.i am really very impress with ur answer and agree too.you know,the person to whom i love will get marry after he will completely establish most probably after 6 or 7 years and me within 2 or 3 years.so there is a problem of large gap too.den,finaly is it damn sure ,dat my husband would not ask me on my 1st nyt dat wid whom i loose my virginity? have u ever did true love with some one?

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 26, 2011:

Hi nidhi,

Realistically a man is unlikely to know if you are a virgin or not. Some women don't bleed when they first have sex because their hymen (effectively their virginity) has been previously torn naturally through activities such as horse riding or from using tampons. You can't ever 'get it back', but like I said, most men would have no idea whether you were one or not. Even a doctor could only verify if your hymen was broken/torn, but he could not say how this had happened. In your position I would take up horse riding or start using tampons each month now, so that you already have this explanation to hand if you need it (which is unlikely).

I am sorry you can't marry the person you really love though. I understand different cultures have different ways of doing things, e.g. arranged marriages etc, but it just seems so tragic that you can't be with the man you truly love because your family won't allow it for whatever the reason. It seems to me that 3 people get hurt by this, you, the man you really love and the man you marry (the last one because he too deserves a wife who is in love with him, not someone else).

Whatever happens, I wish you good luck.

nidhi on December 26, 2011:

it is really very nice and can motivate a number of people who had the similar experience.i really like it.i am 21 and having a boyfriend.we are in a relationship since 3 years and we both loves to each other seriosely.we have done sex when i was 19 as i completely trust him and we even do it now.but we can't do marry to each other as some other personal problem and its really hurtful not to marry with him,but this reality and we both are ready to accept dis bitter truth now.after 2 or 3 year i will do marry with the person to whom my parents will suggest.but i am in a great confusion that would my husband recognise dat i am non-virgin? as i am from india if my husband would get to know it dat i have done sex prior wid my fst love ,den he will never accept me in a positive way.please mam,suggest a satisfying answer.can i get my virginity again?

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 10, 2011:

Good advice Jude185 :)

Jude185 on October 10, 2011:

Don't throw your 'v' to just 'anyone' just to 'belong'.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on September 05, 2011:

Well done Lucy. Never feel obliged to have sex simply because your friends either have or 'claim' to have had it themselves. You will have the last laugh when in later life they are kicking themselves for having had sex with the wrong person, instead of saving it for the right person. It is an experience that should take place between two people who love each other, not just two people who both want either a quick thrill or want to lose their virginity just to 'fit in'.

Lucy on September 05, 2011:

Hi, thanks for sharing your experiences ! I'm 16 and still a virgin, all my friends have had sex and tell me to.. But I'm going to wait until I'm in a steady relationship and feel ready :) xx

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 22, 2011:

Thanks myfacelikemirror. :)

myfacelikemirror on August 21, 2011:

Nice and still try hard to overcome that first time sindrome.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 01, 2011:

Thanks for sharing KateWest, glad it got better and better for you, I guess after a not great experience the only way is up :)

KateWest from Los Angeles, CA on August 01, 2011:

Went to an all girls high school so as a result I was 19 when I lost mine. Wasn't in love either and not anything earth-shattering. But that's OK since subsequent encounters got better and better with more experience (and wisdom).

bd-tips on July 30, 2011:

nice

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on June 01, 2011:

Totally behind you on that statement Jacob. Thanks for commenting.

Jacob_Jube on June 01, 2011:

Word of this hubpage -

"" don't go near married men ""

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on May 13, 2011:

I can completely understand that losing it the way you describe would or could ruin your sexuality with other men lavender. I appreciate your feedback, and thank you :)

lavender3957 on May 13, 2011:

Some of us lose our virginity to rape, and it ruins your sexuality with other men. Good hub

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on April 15, 2011:

Thanks so much Thurs, that is a wonderful compliment :)

thurs on April 15, 2011:

What a great hub.. Really true writer can write this hub. you are a great writer. Voted up!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on April 05, 2011:

Thanks bugslady8949, I am glad you enjoyed this hub, and for sure you don't need to feel pressured into having it until you are ready and meet the right person. Unfortunately we do seem to live in a society where virginity is lost by children at about 10 -13 years old, which seems so wrong to me, but did make me feel very old at 17.

bugslady8949 from The Bahamas on April 05, 2011:

so sorry that happen to you but 17 is not old at all I am 21 and I never had sex of any kind. I am happy and do not see the reason why I should have sex or maybe that's me. you did a great job on this hub.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on March 18, 2011:

Thanks Kamran, pleased you liked it :)

Kamran! on March 18, 2011:

pretty interesting information! nice hub

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on February 11, 2011:

Thanks Miriam, your comment is much appreciated :)

MIRIAM on February 11, 2011:

WOW,I MUST CONFESS DAT THI IS REALLY AWESOME.REALLY INSPIRED.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on February 08, 2011:

Hi there lost_in_my_thoughts. Firstly you are not unusual in still being a virgin at 20, and it is far better to wait until the right person comes along rather than rush it. Don't look at each member of the opposite sex as a potential boyfriend, concentrate on just having fun, chatting, laughing, socialising etc and see what happens. Usually Mr or Mrs Right come along when you aren't looking or expecting it, and your shyness and awkwardness might actually be something a potential partner finds rather endearing. You are certainly not pathetic, trust me, you are far from alone, but that doesn't mean the person for you won't be in the next room you walk in to. Try taking up some hobbies like sports, dog agility (if you have a dog) or volunteer at a local charity you feel an affinity with. It is normal activites like this where you are most likely to meet someone of interest to you, and you will already have one thing in common, i.e. the sport, the charity or whatever else you chose to do.

lost_in_my_thoughts on February 07, 2011:

The truth is that I am almost 20 yrs old, have yet to kiss a boy, have a boyfriend, and lose my virgin, if that hasn't been made clear by the list above. If you were a late bloomer at 17 then I feel like Father Time because I am far from being close to losing my virginity. I feel like an utter freak. I am so socially awkward with the opposite sex that it takes me a while to even be myself in front of men. I can't even look them in the eye. I know I sound pathetic and far from help but I don't know what to do. I have gotten better though, I can speak and look people directly in the eye but I still cringe on the inside. What am I suppose to do because at this rate I may just devote myself to a nunery and blame that on my inabilities.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 23, 2011:

Good on you Mans, just wait for the right partner, you won't regret it. Thanks for commenting here too :)

Mans on January 23, 2011:

So glad I'm still a virgin girl at 19!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 01, 2011:

It is so nice to hear you ended up together Jake, it goes to show that just sometimes, your first partner is also your last, (therefore THE one!). Thanks for sharing :)

jake on January 01, 2011:

I lost mine with my girlfriend who is now my wife. I was 20 and she was 18. She had had sex before with 2 guys over the passed 3 years . so she was 15 when she lost hers. When we had sex the first time i did not tell her it was my first time but she knew it as soon as we did it. I was more nervious and scared then exicted. She had not told me she had sex before, but the way she lead the way. i knew she must have done this before. she had been the only girl i ever kissed and that was the week before.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on September 22, 2010:

Thanks Pat, I hoped the brutal honesty and reality of what it is really like might get the message home to many curious virgins out there. Glad you appreciated my method.

Pat. on September 21, 2010:

I absolutely love this, i think teenagers should be exposed to this type of writing more often!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 27, 2010:

Well I sure hope it never comes to that, especially as I am certain you would find the first time pretty disappointing and not worth getting AIDS for. It is probably only the curiosity of the unknown that makes you so desperate, but the reality is not what you might expect. Don't worry, your time will come, and hopefully with the right person who isn't carrying any diseases!

Nobody on August 27, 2010:

I would gladly take a fistfull of AIDS with a smile on my face once the test came up positive just for one, half-decent sexual encounter. Anything to lose this curse. The only thing keeping me from killing myself is knowing I can't die a virgin. Nobody deserves to be this desperate.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 09, 2010:

Thanks Bette, I really appreciate that.

Hi izettl, I am glad you enjoyed this hub, and I totally agree with what you say. Thanks for commenting.

Laura Izett-Irwin from The Great Northwest on August 09, 2010:

Laura Izett-Irwin from The Great Northwest on August 09, 2010:

Is anyone's first time good- at least for women? I doubt it. I waited until I was 21, my goal was to wait until I was really in love. Even though I waited and knew my body well and the setting was perfect, it was still a disappointing first time.So don't feel bad about your experience. I think that's inevitable. Great hub- enjoyed the honesty.

BetteMachete on August 08, 2010:

I linked your page to one of mine because this is one of the most honest accounts ive ever read and i think it will help young people consider what they are doing

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on July 05, 2010:

Thanks for this jayb23, I am flattered you said this in your comment, and relieved for the lack of criticism at my past mistakes.

jayb23 from India on July 05, 2010:

Well I had scroll down so much jst to write a comment :-)..I wonder how I missed this hub. Must say you have loads of guts to write what you felt. Im your fan for life. Keep up the good work.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on June 10, 2010:

You are really very welcome angel, better to wait for the right person for sure, rather than make a mistake you may regret for a very long time afterwards. The right person will be happy to wait for you anyway, so take your time deciding if he/she is the one.

angel on June 10, 2010:

thank you alot I'm only 17 and I really understand what you saying so thank you...

you are really a big help

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on April 03, 2010:

Thank you Tamarind, I am glad you like my writing and I appreciate the compliment.

Tamarind on April 03, 2010:

I like your writing. It is very down to earth, truthful, personal and respectful. It comes across very well. Thanks.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on February 10, 2010:

Hi Clarissa, I have allowed this link, although technically it is SPAM as you didn't ask permission to post it. As it is relevant to the topic I will leave it in place, but if it proves to have "adult" content I shall be forced to delete it according to both Hubpages and Adsense TOS.

Clarissa on February 10, 2010:

Check out http://www.defloweredmemoirs.com for more stories about girls losing their virginity. An imperfect experience seems to be the norm really.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on February 09, 2010:

Good for you VampireAlice, you won't regret waiting, just don't be tempted by empty promises from men who can be very convincing, plus it is hard to say no if you truly find the man attractive. I wish you good luck. :)

VampireAlice on February 09, 2010:

omg this is so true .

i plan on waiting till i'm ready though.

So may people do want to be a girls first and they

will stop at nothing to do so. But once its done he leaves and she regrest it.

So anyways i plan on waiting :)

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 06, 2010:

Hi Shain, I hope you at least make sure you have your first experience with someone you love, even if you don't marry, just make sure they love you too and it is serious, then you shouldn't regret it if later on things don't work out. I don't suggest waiting until marriage in case you find out too late you are not physically or sexually compatible with your new partner, but thesedays it is not so unacceptable to have sex prior to marriage as it was years ago. Just be careful and choose wisely.

shain on January 06, 2010:

Thanks for sharing your experience Misty i really enjoyed reading this. anyway im 22 and still a virgin and proud of it. im going to wait till im married

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on January 04, 2010:

Thanks Sa Toya, I am so pleased this has helped you and encouraged you to wait for the right man in the right place. I promise you you will not regret waiting :)

Sa Toya from England on January 04, 2010:

I loved reading this...I'm a virgin myself and I used to worry about still having my hymen intact even though I knew and still do waiting for someone I love, in the right time and place would be best.

It's nice when the things you have in your head is written down be someone like you who's had a lot of life experience.

You rock my world...Misty x

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 12, 2009:

Hi PJK, thanks for the feedback. My life has been a bit of a drama I agree, but yes, it has made me a far stronger person as a result. I would change many of my choices given the opportunity to live my life again, but then who knows what kind of person I would have turned out to be.

Might just do that hub on Vaginismus, never thought of that, good idea :)

pjk_artist from Turkey Point, ON on December 11, 2009:

Geez! Just a few comments on this hub eh? (Canadian I am ;o)

What an extreme life you've led Cindy! Its made you the strong woman you are today hasn't it?

Its curious how small choices made when you're young lead to complex, happy and sometimes horrific chains of events throughout your life.

-Pete

ps: "Vaginismus" Great word. Can this be "learned"? I think we need a hub devoted to this most interesting subject ;o)

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 25, 2009:

Thanks love my yorkies, I have a feeling quite a lot of people have a pretty awful/disappointing first time, and no doubt regret it a whole lot later.

love my yorkies from way out west on August 24, 2009:

applaude your honesty on such a subject. my first time was awful, but I admit it was my own fault for getting myself into the situation. I had been at a club and drinking and didn't even really know the guy. I look back now and can't believe how stupid I was.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 23, 2009:

Well done Susie, wait for the right guy before you give it up.

Susie on August 17, 2009:

I'm 18 and I'm still a virgin....

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 10, 2009:

Hi Mia, thanks for commenting here. I guess by today's standards 20 is quite late, but I am pleased that you are waiting for Mr Right before throwing it away on just anyone.

Yes, that guy was essentially a perv I reckon :)

mia on August 10, 2009:

ha, you thought you were late at 17 - I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, my younger sister who lost hers at 16 and is 17 now always makes me feel like some kind of freak but I've never found anyone I wanted. Interesting read. Shame that the old man was a let down! Sounds like a perv tbh

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 09, 2009:

Actually that is a very good point Free Sex Tutorials. Thanks for commenting.

Free Sex Tutorials on August 09, 2009:

Virginity is also for boys too not for only girls

zoyasexy on July 26, 2009:

thanx ..

zoyasexy on July 26, 2009:

thanx ..

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on July 26, 2009:

Thanks sufyan.

sufyan majeed on July 19, 2009:

Thanks for sharing your experience! it wasice read

regards:

sufyan majeed

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on June 30, 2009:

Thank you for your profound comment Wilson. It was full of good advice and certainly not too long. :)

Wilson on June 30, 2009:

ammendment : I am talking in the sense of psychology not religion...

Wilson on June 30, 2009:

Thanks for your kind sharing... This should raise awareness among teens about sex and the effects for premature sex... It is true that you cannot detach entirely from the emotional and spiritual attachment through sex (I am not talking in the sense of psychology not religion)... If Sex with different ppl is become a common activity in yourself, you will be living in mud while not aware that you are in the mud (just a metaphore).... or worse "Feelingless" towards sex and probably get ED earlier....

I'm 22 yet still "V" - good... I never wanna hurt any girls to such extend when there is possibility of breaking up... Living together is a test run for marriage.. and I suggest everyone to do that because love marriage is prone to end up in divorce due to unable to live together... no tolerence among each other... and many factors... It is different when being just normal bf and gf when you get to see your becoming spouse "little habits" that might disturb you...

This is what you should do... if you think he or she is the one... and living together doesn't give you the right to have sex.... is just purely like roommates.... don't try to follow the culture where promoting too much of happy love ending (with sex activity by specific) because life is not so easy to have happy endings if you don't work correctly for it... movies are fantasies where we like (or just remove boring part of life)... just like games... never real... some might carry certain values and it is important for you to understand it ... and some... just purely entertainment (where the idea of... "just imagine this happens")....

Misty, you can share means you accepted your mistakes, and you should be proud that you do... If you are going to have another bf... he must able to accept your everything including your past... conservative ones might mind your virginity at the beginning.... but if he loves you... he can accept you as he know you wont do it again.... by the way "not all angles are virgin"... you sounded like an angle to me... I am conservative.. but if you were to be my gf... it is ok to be even I will mind at first.... who don't want an angle by the way....

Sorry for this long comment...:P

P.S.

living by your values is never naïve or innocent, you won't go wrong by living with your values and that is the right thing to do...

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on June 03, 2009:

Thanks for your comment hafeezrm.

hafeezrm from Pakistan on June 03, 2009:

very frank a vivid account of a landmark.

trooper22 from Chicago on May 25, 2009:

Great Read Misty. I hope your life in that regard has improved. The first guys sounds like a first class looser.

Lidi on May 22, 2009:

Thank you for sharing this. it totally changed my mind. i'm definitely gonna wait till i get married.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on April 19, 2009:

Thanks Tiptopcat, I am glad you enjoyed this hub, and hope you enjoyed the other one too :)

Victoria Virgo from London, UK on April 19, 2009:

Thanks for sharing such a private experience. I know that I would not be as brave as you. I am now off to check out the other hub that you linked to this one. Thanks

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on April 12, 2009:

Thanks 'Her Guy' I am so glad it worked out for you and you are happy with your Wife, and her with you. You sound like a very sensitive lover, and one any woman would be grateful for. It takes time to please a woman and make her relax truly, but the end results are worth it :)