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Living With Manic Depression, Anxiety Disorder, and Bipolar Disorder As A Teenager Part III


By: Toni Whisenant

I have a subtle hatred for prescription pills. I had a bad past with them and I will from now on and forever more refuse to take them. I don't need them to better myself. I believe I am fine and dandy, but others like to use my Bipolar Disorder against me. I'm sorry, but anyone who is willing to call me "diseased" and treat me like a leper is much more messed up mentally than I am because at least I have the common decency to treat everyone with respect, whether I like them or not. I believe prescription pills hurt more than help. Pick up a bottle of pain pills or another prescription medication you may have and look up the side effects. There are worse side effects than the thing you're trying to "cure". Which is another reason why I refuse to take them. There is no "cure" with prescription medications. They are there to simply cover up the symptoms. How I see it is whatever the doctors say is wrong with you is equal to a dirty house. Prescription pills are the person that either ignores the mess or covers it up with a table or piece of clothing. That doesn't solve the problem.

My psychiatrist loved, and I do mean loved, to hand me prescriptions. At the age of 16, I started taking Trazodone, mostly for my insomnia but also to try to help my Bipolar Disorder. That was the beginning of my amazing medication trip. About 3 months later, it stopped working for me. So my psychiatrist gave me .5 mg of Klonopin to try to up the effect of the trazodone. I went through an experimental stage and I used my Klonopin for things that weren't intended (popping pills). After about 3 months, those stopped working together. So my psychiatrist decided to take me off the Trazodone and give me a prescription of 250 mg of Depakote per day, Depakote is both an antidepressant and a seizure medication. A couple of months later, it stopped working, So she upped the dosage to 500 mg a day. My father who has a seizure disorder takes 500 mg of Depakote a day. That worked for a little while, then, as usual, it stopped working. Isn't this an interesting pattern? So she upped me to 750 mg a day. Mind you. these prescriptions weren't just per day. They were taken at the same time before I went to bed. Again, after a while, it stopped working, She upped me to 1000 mg a day. After only a year or so, my psychiatrist had finally gotten me to 1500 mg of Depakote a day. This is absolutely ridiculous, seeing as my dad who has a seizure disorder was taking a third less than I was. By that point, I had turned into a zombie. I didn't hardly laugh or cry. I felt almost nothing emotionally. I just went on with my daily routine.

Again, after a while, It stopped working. My psychiatrist then prescribed me 25 mg of Seroquel on top of the .5 mg of Klonopin and 1500 mg of Depakote. One side effect of Seroquel is heart problems and it shouldn't be given to anyone with a family or self history of heart problems. My aunt had heart problems. Good job, shrink! One day, after taking the Seroquel for only about a week, I was walking through the park with my boyfriend at the time. As we were walking, I collapsed on the ground in public. I was only unconscious for all of 5-10 seconds. But it was enough to freak me out. My heart had stopped and I had collapsed. Twice. In the same day. It wasn't a pleasant experience. After much nagging and arguing, I finally went to the hospital, where they said nothing was wrong with me and to get out. Later on I found out that it is stress that causes my fainting spells, although the Seroquel triggered the reaction.

I have completely gotten myself off prescription medications and will continue to stay off them. Prescription medications are hard enough to deal with, but medications for Bipolar Disorder are especially horrendous. Fortunately, I have also stopped popping pills and have been sober for almost a year. If you are Bipolar, my suggestion to you would be all natural remedies. Don't put chemicals into your body that can make you worse off in the end. It's not worth it. The chemicals they put into prescription medications could kill an animal bigger than a human being. So why put them into your body? There really isn't a point to it.

"Mental ailments" shouldn't be frowned upon. They should be celebrated because its another point of view that is a little off key from the "norm". I celebrate my "mental ailments" on a daily basis. My life has completely gotten better no thanks to prescription medications. I changed my life by myself. I have learned how to control my thoughts and actions, and even my emotions to an extent. I do have a lot to learn and I have a long time ahead of me to learn the things I need to do. Manic Depression, Anxiety Disorders, and Bipolar Disorder shouldn't be reasons for anyone to give up. "Never give up; Never surrender." A somewhat famous quote from the movie Galaxy Quest. It should be put into effect on a daily basis. If you have a "mental disorder", don't let it stop you from doing what you want to do. I never did. I've learned to look up towards the heavens instead of down towards Hell. I've created a more positive outlook on life and I love every minute of it.


Toni Whisenant (author) from Portland, OR on August 28, 2011:

That is very sad. It pisses me off when doctors think they can just put people down to try to sell the prescriptions the big drug companies are selling. Did you know doctors actually get paid for giving out prescriptions? That's the kind of society we live in. My advice to you would be to look up the prescriptions your mother is on and print out the side effects and what is really in them and hand them to her. Maybe she will realize that the prescriptions her doctor is giving her is harming more than helping.

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ladystarkiller on August 28, 2011:

Wow! This is really great. I believe in natural medicine myself but I just wish my mother would realize this and stop going to her doctor who is always putting her down and shoving meds down her throat. Its sad really...

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