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Learning I Am More, Much More!

Sometimes writers distance themselves from religious subjects. Religion is still taboo to speak about. Read about it instead.

Tears streaking my face, I looked heavenward in anguish. "God, why?"

That seems to be the question for many believers who endure a challenge or trial that is not expected. What a strange sentiment, right? Who expects a challenge to be a CERTAIN way? Me, apparently.

Let this be an editorial on life from my limited perspective. I bet years of my life on the idea that there are millions if not billions of people in the world who think similarly to me. With that belief onboard the writing ship today, I take it as a privilege to invite you on a journey with me. Yeah, you reading this. I want you to go with me as I reveal how I discovered just how important I am. This also lets me know how important you are as my companion on this little journey.

Oh, you want to know what we will be reviewing, right? The thing I know the most about is my life. I live it. My suspicion is that were are similar enough for you to enjoy this topic because I plan to relate how slowly my spiritual perspective allows me to see just how valuable I am, we are.

I must start from the beginning...


My suspicion is that were are similar enough for you to enjoy this topic because I plan to relate how slowly my spiritual perspective allows me to see just how valuable I am, we are.

Mourning the "Known."

Yes, the tears fell down my cheeks and into my lap. I sat in front of the computer wondering when I would get the chance to use it again to do my favorite thing, write. See, a few weeks past, I arose from my bed seeing nothing out of my good eye, the left one.

I made light of it and even put together a fictional story based on a guy waking to a white light instead of vision. In the last five years of my life, challenges to my life have come quickly. My kid moved out. My job lost a contract, along with my position. My health took a turn. Or, I should say, I took my health toward the turn that led to my permanent disability. My wife had to go to work for the first time during our marriage--20 years as of May 12, 2021.

No, I mean, she HAD to go to work because I couldn't! It may not seem a big deal to you, but coming from my culture, I am supposed to take care of her because she gave her last name away to take on mine. Yes, it is archaic and probably a bit sexist, but we both share that culture, my wife and I.

No, just wait a minute. Give me a chance. You will see I have a point that is not based on chauvinistic sympathy for the disintegration of my male privilege. Give me a chance, please?

Basically, the reality of what I assumed defined life has changed. Since thought the act of thinking was something I could claim, I sauntered through life based on the things I contributed to the world as a father, husband, employee, church member, patient, friend, and the list can continue. All those titles are what defined me given the situation or circumstance in which I inhabited.

Once I no longer had the wherewithal to function to custom, I hung my titles up and moved into the dark place where inhabited despair and loneliness.

No, I am not trying to Edgar Allen Poe my life! This is not meant to be a sad situation, but one of espial! Please just read. I will get to the point, now. Morning my lot, I felt sorry for myself--for not being able to do the things I used to do and be the titles that I used to be without monstrous amounts of help.

Really? I will give a sarcastic thanks. I "SHOULD have just started with that last sentence" indeed! I like to build up to things. It is the drama of being a writer. Come on, I know you like it. Anyways...

What I share here is very personal, though it is perfectly okay to tell millions of people. Why are you laughing.? Yes, I cannot see your face or hear your voice, but you are laughing!

And you, over there! Now you have me laughing. Yes, I do know how many followers I have. And, I do check my stats. Come now, just let me write. Notice my creative Muse's bowed head of frustration. Or, is she laughing and trying to hide it.

Artistic license, people, allows me to assume that millions could possibly read this. I know it is not probable. My point is, I became small and insignificant in my mind. In fact, this imagined taunting I am receiving would have hurt my Yesterday Self if he were still me. Okay, so he sort of is still me. Moving along...

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What I thought I knew was not all that there was to know, okay? I know you are joking around, but as the reader, could you not throw your imaginary two cents in every other sentence I write? So far it is adding up to $1.50. $1.52. $1.54. No. I am not trying to make you laugh. Okay, a little. It's a new year! Levity has its place.

Morning my lot, I felt sorry for myself--for not being able to do the things I used to do and be the titles that I used to be without monstrous amounts of help.

Being Me All the Time

We tend to build walls around our personalities so that we can take stock of who we are instead of being who we are in every situation. It is appropriate to have proper decorum for a situation, but having separate personalities for each occasion is exhausting at best and, in my case, psychologically scarring at worst.

The hypocrite of Shakespeare's Hamlet, Polonius said to his son, "To thine own self be true." Read the play to see why I call that character hypocritical if you haven't. Despite my opinion of that fictional character, the wisdom Shakespeare expressed through him stands as a light of mental and spiritual health.

In my personal study of the Scriptures, I have come to understand that God does not expect me to be anything other than who I am. He takes me as presented leading me along the path of life to where I will allow Him to lead me.

I expect that from Him. I, however, did not know that other people in my life felt that way toward me. So, He showed me.

I have come to understand that God does not expect me to be anything other than who I am.

Flow Free

Mrs. Harper told me once, My high school math teacher, "God created free-flowing math in the beginning and humans came along with brackets to mess things up and slow things down!"

Mrs. Harper was also the adviser for the Christian Club in our high school. She opened my mind to math, how all the disciplines of mathematics work together, algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and such.

She taught me in her sermons during our club time, that not only do we as humans put up barriers in math to keep it from flowing freely but also in our lives that can prevent us from the freedom God offers.

"We need to understand when to know when brackets do not apply," she counseled letting me know that people put limits around themselves.

When I lost the ability to use those brackets [titles and such (It's funny because this is in brackets!)], I limited my ability to expand and rise to what I really am. First, I'm a child of God. My body is created thrIough the miracle of mortal procreations and mortal birth, but my spirit is of divine essence!

With all of the theories of science I've learned in school, I lost the truth that sustained me for years that I am a child of the most divine Man in all of existence--along with all other people. Doing so uses another bracket in which to separate me; however, it also includes all of us in it!


More than a Function

God showed me that my wife does not love me because I can provide her with an earnings check alone. I don't know why she loves me! I just know that she loved me before I earned a check. She then added the bracket that my earnings made her appreciate her love ore me more.

God showed me that my kids do not love me because I provided a steady income for them to do activities. They love me if I did that or not I provided activities because those things are brackets of a greater purpose I serve in their lives.

Perfect love is not conditional. Though we, you and I, are not perfect at loving the way God loves, as His offspring, we have inherited some of His attributes, His capacity to love. Yes, it is not free-flowing and across the board. But just like everything else, we put brackets around our family and friends until we learn how to be free like He is free. We are more than our duties or titles. Just like our Heavenly Father, is that He is, we are that we are. (Exodus 3:13).


Rodric Anthony Johnson (author) from Surprise, Arizona on January 04, 2021:

Amen, Brenda. I think about Dr. Carl Rogers's teaching of unconditional positive regard when I think of my relationship with God. I never truly applied it to my family and friends because I felt that it was impossible to do. I have learned that maybe it is possible with brackets.

Though Dr. Rogers used unconditional positive regard in his approach to psychotherapy to treat his patients, the sentiment seems best served as God is the true unconditional source of positive regard, love/charity.

It is also nice to know that I don't have to make up intimate experiences to write my fiction when I can use my life to breathe into characters. Those are the most compelling stories, the ones based on facts.

I have always used other people's experiences instead of my own. I will try using my life and feelings in my future fiction. This article is not fiction, by the way. That last thought was an aside.

Rodric Anthony Johnson (author) from Surprise, Arizona on January 04, 2021:

Thanks, Peggy. It is an uphill battle against my pride to learn these things. I am learning to trust in others more as I trust in God the most. The fun thing about it all is getting to share what I learn with others. Thanks for your blessing and I pray too for the blessing of you and yours.

Rodric Anthony Johnson (author) from Surprise, Arizona on January 04, 2021:

Oh my gosh, Pamela! To know that others truly know what I know and go through similar things is a testimony to me that God does really care about people individually and not just as a group. Being disabled is teaching me to depend on others, allow others to serve me. I believed it, but did not practice it that serving each other is serving God. By not allowing others to serve me in my needed hours I did not let them serve God. To humble me, God allowed me to depend on the goodwill and service of others the way that they depend on me. Even Jesus needed help carrying His cross. I should have thought better and known better.

Rodric Anthony Johnson (author) from Surprise, Arizona on January 04, 2021:

John, I sit and think of Mrs. Harper's words often but never thought to put them into perspective as also a human condition. I will not say brackets are bad, but they definitely limit our thinking until we realize that they are supposed to be temporary and not permanent as I had thought.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on January 04, 2021:

This is an article full of inspiration.

True love is not based on one's ability to give to another or receive from another. It is unconditional just like God's love is for all of us.

Embrace your family and follow the guidance of God. He will show you the path you are meant to follow.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on January 04, 2021:

Circumstances can change in a single moment. Many are learning that this year with the ravages of Covid-19. I am happy for you that you understand that you are still loved for who you are. May God bless you and your family.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on January 04, 2021:

This article was fun to read, Rodric. Your truth is the truth for all of us. I also became disabled and my husband did not love me any less. I like reading how you found out how special you are, and God loves us unconditionally. Great article!

John Hansen from Gondwana Land on January 04, 2021:

Another interesting read, Rodric. Thank you for sharing your personal situation. I found the example of brackets slowing math as well as our lives a good one.

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