Have you ever gotten into a fight that turned real nasty? Did the fight end up with you sustaining some serious injuries? Did you wonder at the end of it that you could have avoided getting into that fight in the first place? Well, if you did wish that you hadn't gotten into the fight, then you should read on about how you can possibly avoid getting into fights that could potentially progress to serious physical confrontations. The first step you can take towards avoiding fights and physical confrontations is to know yourself. Get to know you! Study yourself and your triggers. For example, do you know how easily you get provoked and get provoked by what? How much can you take verbally without responding? Study yourself and your past reactions to incidents. This is important because you get to know your triggers and knowing is the first step towards dealing with and developing strategies to cope.
Having thus gained an in-depth knowledge of how you've behaved in specific instances in the past, you can now begin to tackle such instances in the future. For a fight or physical confrontation to ensue, you need both sides to participate. Obviously, you can't control what the other person does. That's up to him/her. What you can control is your reaction. You can, for example, make a conscious decision to not respond to the insinuations or accusations leveled at you. If however you feel you need to respond, do so curtly and firmly without being verbose. Leave it at that!! Don't be tempted to respond to each and every comment of the instigator. Doing so would invariably draw you into a prolonged and invariably heated conversation, which may quite possibly lead to a physical confrontation eventually. So, be in control at all times and the key to doing that is to control your temper. Don't let insults and abuses hurled at you affect you enough to give in to the natural urge to escalate by doing the same yourself.
Don't try hard to prove the instigator wrong by responding to each insult/accusation/provocation. Chances are they have already made up their mind and just want to escalate the situation further and bring you down to their level. Don't fall in to that trap.
Nip The Problem In The Bud By Ignoring
The idea here is to nip a possible confrontation in the bud. Don't let it get to that stage in the first place and you have no fight to fight. Some people find it difficult NOT to respond to any accusation or provocative language. My advice to them would be to mentally repeat a phrase or sentence such as "I will not dignify those comments with a response, I will not, I will not......" Or, try counting down numbers or anything else that would redirect your mind. The idea is to not hear what the instigator is saying, but to focus your mind on not responding. This is important because some people just can't take accusations or insinuations and have an almost uncontrollable urge to respond to each and every sentence of the potential accuser/instigator.
Falling into this trap almost always makes the situation worse and makes the conversation more heated with each passing accusation and counter explanation. Why bother to explain to someone who's in it for a fight? You don't have to prove you are macho to a loser. Just ignore him/her. It doesn't reflect on your courage or anything. You don't need to feel obliged to respond to anything. Ignore - ignore - and then ignore some more.
Ignoring an individual who wants to fight can work like a charm. They invariably feel stupid after a while of ranting and raving. They might even apologize to you once that realization dawns on them. Try it out!! It could save you some serious injuries!
Shil1978 (author) on July 12, 2013:
Absolutely did good, Lucas. You handled it well. Considering your background as a boxer, especially well, in avoiding a physical confrontation. Doesn't make you any less of a man - you did good!
Lucas on July 11, 2013:
This thread is fairly old as of now, But I have reason to post because of the threats I received today. Anyways I come from a family of tough boxers, My Grandfather was asked to go pro in boxing because of his amateur record 64 wins 4 losses & I have a cluster of TOUGH ROUGH uncles. The thing is I 'm not like them, I wasn't born to be a fighter. I did boxing for three years 25 wins 9 losses won my fair share of tournaments & lost too........ I didn't join boxing voluntarily I was forced into it by my family...... When I left boxing 2 years ago the club repeatedly asked my mother for me to return....... I got it through to them that I have no interest & rathered replacing boxing time with my life goal snooker as a hobby. I'm also a blue belt in BJJ but quit all those harmful martial arts. I am now very happy involved in 2 sports I LOVE snooker & running. Today I was grabbed by the throat by a knacker I retorted by grabbing by the throat but didn't hurt him I talked him out of fighting & walked away. Did good?
NYC Guy on July 04, 2012:
Thank you Shil1978.
Shil1978 (author) on July 04, 2012:
NYC Guy, you did the right thing. You had nothing to prove to these 5 stupid guys by fighting with them. You can't fight stupidity! Your life was under no threat, so really don't see why you should have gotten out of the car and fought them! What you did was perfectly fine!!
NYC Guy on July 03, 2012:
Thanks for this blog. I almost got myself in trouble today with some punk italians. they were just upset that they couldn't race with me as much they wanted to. Basically I won. But here comes the celebration, I was sitting on a red light and they pulled over right behind me and about 5 of them quickly jumped out of their car and walked up to me, started cursing etc. as I was talking to one of the guys, someone else punched me, mind you I didn't even get out of my car, just my windows were down since it was a hot summer day in New York.
the moment they realized I called the cops they ran away, took their plate number, when cops showed up told them exactly what happened they took the plate number, but they said it was just a harassment since I wasn't bleeding or had a black eye.
I am feeling like a stupid, should I have gotten outside of my car and fought them or I did the right thing?
dandy on June 26, 2012:
Sometimes you can't avoid the conflict, bullies are usually backed up by "friends", alone they are quiet as lambs.
I know avoiding a fight is always the best thing to do. Also the matters at stake should weight towards your decision: do you have a child at home alone while you're walking your dog?
is this happening near your home where your family live?
But sometimes its unavoidable, i had my share of fights since my youth and haven't been in a real fight for 20 years now.
If the conflict is unavoidable, go straight towards that person and maintain calm. If possible predict the first attack and hit hard, fast & more than once.
If he comes back to you again, repeat it.
Sorry, but if in your daily life you're being bullied to a point of no return from the same person, one day it becomes physical.
Also, if you keep avoiding confrontation in your life, unless you have some fight training, you're going to be seriously injured in a fight.
Shil1978 (author) on April 10, 2012:
You are welcome, LC! I sure do agree that things could have gotten far worse had you sought to take things further with this guy. Sometimes, it is wise to just walk away, especially with people who are beyond reason, who are just plain crazy and looking for a fight. There is no honor involved in standing up to folks like that!!
LC on April 10, 2012:
Thank you Shil1978, after this altercation I needed someone to give me some guidence on this issue and came across your blog/hub. After your words and some reflection I do feel that things would have been worse for all of us had I gotten out of that car. I think some things are worth fighting for but some idiot going that crazy over something that could have happened but was avoided was not worth the fight. Thank you!
Shil1978 (author) on April 10, 2012:
You did the right thing, LC - you have no reason to feel embarrassed at all. What did you have to stand up for, really? There is no reason you need to spend any more time regretting - there's nothing to regret about!! There may be many occasions where you may indeed need to stand up for your wife, but this certainly wasn't one of them!!
LC on April 10, 2012:
I was in a situation last week that I can't stop thinking about and wondering if I did the right thing. I was almost in a car accident in which I am not sure if it was my fault or not. Either way, nothing happened and I continued to drive on down the road. The next thing I knew the other driver caught up with me and pulled his car infront of mine and got out and began to yell and curse and even punched my driver side window. My wife was in the car with me so this made me feel very uncomfortable. I began to appologize to the man just to calm him down "from the seat of my car of course". He was very vulgar and aggressive "road rage" type stuff. Then someone from the other side of the road yelled something along the lines of stop and I am calling the police. This got his attention and started toward them. So I had the chance to leave and took it. Now, I am not some little guy or a fighting expert but I would be able to defend myself to some degree if necessary. Now I have a feeling of embarassment and regret that I did not stand up to the man even more so infront of my wife. Yes we are safe now but I just feel like I let her and me down.
cynic on March 26, 2012:
The trouble with confrontations leading to random violence is that they are rarely clear-cut. Shouting and intimidation are arguably a form of physical violence in themselves as the recipient often justifiably feels that a threat will quickly lead to violence. I find it difficult to walk away but feel just as bad either way i.e. if a fight occurs or doesn't because (eventually) you feel you've failed whatever the outcome: if you beat the crap out of someone or walk away. I've done both and it's no win. Just avoid situations where stand-offs can occur.
Just a guy on March 05, 2012:
Great Article and this will help me for the rest of my life. While I was waiting in line, a guy passes by me and skips the line. After the lady who was paying finish, the guy took out his wallet and was ready to buy and get out, but I approached him and told him that I was next on line. The guy turned around and started screaming at me saying that I wasn't on the line and that I should get my butt on the line. I proceed to the cashier and bought my stuff, and while exiting the place at look at him a last time just in case if he later follows me. The guy went running to the exit and said that I had any problem to fix it right now. I turned and saw him for a last time and left, but in really I have being thinking why is people trying to get into fights and why didn't the cashier told him that I was next on line?
Dee on January 12, 2012:
I agree with your article. But with the last comment if someone pushes me then I will defend myself. But I can ignore them up to that point. I did that yesterday and the girl was pissed and looked like a fool when I got in my car and left her standing there looking dumb.
Shil1978 (author) on January 07, 2012:
Chances are she won't hit you! She'd probably try to provoke you into a fight with verbal insults, but then its up to you to keep your calm and not react. If you do that, it will be difficult for her to just come right at you and hit you. They usually require an excuse to get started.
Usually, they hope that a verbal insult would bring out the desired effect and get that person into a fight. If that fails, they may try to nudge you, push you a bit, etc. to make you fight. If you resist that too by ignoring, they'd mostly be dumbfounded and give up.
Of course, I am not talking of muggers or others who have a set plan to fight you to rob you, etc. They of course want to fight you or scare you into giving them what you have and you can't do much about that, except protect yourself through self-defense techniques, etc.
A girl on January 07, 2012:
This paragraph talks about what exactly my health teacher said..some girl wants to fight me and I'm avoiding her unless she hits me first but actually then what should I do?
Jayman on November 19, 2011:
I still remember back when I was 21, I went to a house party and there was this one guy who was a total bully and acted all alpha in front of his friends. He was more in shape than I was and a bit taller, so I felt intimidated by him. I'd had a couple of run-ins with him before where I just walked away. This time, he walked up to me, pulled down the front of my shirt popping buttons off and mocked me about being gay and said sarcastically that he'd like to a**rape me - with his four friends laughing (I was just there with one friend, so outnumbered). I just yelled at him like WTF??! called him a psycho, but he just laughed, so I walked away, with him calling "hey come back, I got more for ya!!" laughing like a maniac...after that day, a couple of acquaintances at the party told me that I shouldn't have tolerated that, I should have fought back and decked him, that's what they would have done. Well, what they have to remember is, Dustin didn't actually threaten me, it was all sarcasm and mockery - only the shirt-ripping was real. So I left it at that, thinking either I could end up in hospital, or in jail, since it would be hard for me to prove self-defense due to a credible threat.
bre on November 10, 2011:
Thanks for everything you helped out a lot onc again thanks for everything you did thanks and have a bless life
Shil1978 (author) on November 04, 2011:
You did the right thing, Marko. It isn't worth it to fight morons such as that. They just want to bring you down to their level - you are way better than that. Well done - you did just right. Thanks for stopping by this article and sharing your experience, Marko!!
Marko on November 04, 2011:
I just had a moment when some drunk guy pushed me and shouted 'calm yourself bruv' in an aggressive manner just because our eyes met. He came towards me again and I ran off with my heart beating - as I was running off there was a group of young black youths laughing and shouting abuse and carried on and didn't look back. This is not that serious but i felt shook up and felt like a coward. I saw your page and realise I did the right thing and it wasn't of a cowardly nature. Thank you.
John on March 23, 2011:
Jay, I'm getting older and I think you made a smart move, because as much as you would have like to gut that human like a fish, you have kids to take care of, a family to take care of, just not worth it. walk away from the nut case, call the police, we just have better things to do.
Shil1978 (author) on January 27, 2011:
Will, why is it so difficult to not fight this guy? Why is walking away difficult for you? Do you really think you are proving your masculinity by beating up some guy? It is all in your mind, really!! If I were you, I would just ignore this person. Wouldn't be worth my time!
Will on January 27, 2011:
There is this guy at my bus stop that i can easily take, but he has a brother who is 6 years older than me and has some serious problems... i cant walk away or get into a fight, If you can tell me what to do, that would be great. thanks!
Shil1978 (author) on January 22, 2011:
Unknown girl, you can't control how someone else behaves and so there is nothing you can do about making that person stop. However, your reaction to that person's comments can ensure that you don't give that person the ammunition to continue fighting.
As you've recognized, it takes "two to tango," and so if you choose not to get sucked in, then he can't fight on his own. You can train yourself to not get sucked in. I speak from personal experience on this. Try repeating a calming phrase in your mind or count backwards from 10 to 1 - anything that distracts your mind from focusing on the person's provocative words.
Don't focus on "winning" any of these worthless fights. You ain't getting any prize for "winning" them. Letting go of that mindset is the key!!
unknown girl on January 22, 2011:
also, i cant seem to let go of past fights and bad things. because of that, i keep my guard up at all times while im around him, and when im around a few kinds of places, like school, too.
would you happen to know how to make someone stop that? if you dont, that's okay, just wondering.
unknown girl on January 22, 2011:
thanx for making this article, i dont know how much it'll help, but im sure it'll be a lot.
theres a guy who im partly related to by law, and he and me seem to get into fights a lot. its not usually physical, just verbal, but it gets worse and if it keeps up, it probably will. usually, during the fights, it goes from something small, to a bigger problem, all the way to a problem that seems pretty weird that wed even gotten to it. Hes usually the one who makes the fight move from something small to something big. he usually win the fights and says that im the one who started it by saying some weird comments, but in the fight i can never remember my good arguments because im so nervous. I know "it takes two to tango" and stuff, so im part to blame for these fights, but they usually start from weird things and places.
p.s. im one of those types that can get sucked in easily.
oh and im not married to him, if that's what your thinking.
Shil1978 (author) on January 16, 2011:
Oh my, Nathan, you did get into quite a situation there, didn't you? Well, am glad that you are reflecting on your actions - even though you came out of it the winner.
I can understand why your GF feels the way she does. Well, my friend, I wish you all the very best in your quest to be a 'better man.' So glad you found some of the advice in this article helpful.
Thanks much for stopping by and taking the time to comment and for sharing your experience - much appreciated. Good luck again, Nathan, and take care :)
Nathan on January 16, 2011:
I'm quite literally going to take a page out of your book, or webpage as it so happens to be. Got into a scrap last night, when walking across the street with my gf. Some idiot threw something out the car and hit my girl. Wasn't much, think it was a piece of rope. I picked up a rock and cracked his back window with it. They pull over and decided to have a go at me. Having done Wing Chun for 5 years, it was over in minutes. Both of them were bleeding profusely. As I'm a perfect example of the above, arrogant and conceited, my biggest problem is not being able to let go of a situation, I always have to respond. My point is this; having thought I had upheld my girls honour and dignity by teaching them a lesson ( one they wont soon forget... see? Arrogance) she was incredibly deeply ashamed and embarrassed by my behaviour and attitude. She hasn't spoken to me all day :( Anyway, I realized I need to start 'checking' myself, which is why I googled 'avoid confrontations'. I'm going to use some of the tips on this page to become a better man. Thanks for your invaluable advice my friend, take care and wish me luck :)
Shil1978 (author) on January 05, 2011:
Marc, am glad you found this article useful. Pretty concerned about you biting your knuckles, etc. While you are not doing any harm to others, you are doing harm to yourself, isn't it? There is no saying whether you might feel like doing anything more serious than biting your knuckles!! That should change IMHO.
I hope you can come to terms with your anger issues to the point you don't have to do that to yourself anymore!!
I hope you can make that your New Year resolution. If needed, don't hesitate to ask for professional help. Not that anything serious is wrong with you, but the tendency to hurt yourself is definitely not healthy for you. There should be a better way to channelize your anger. I hope you understand why I say this - right?
Hope you have a peaceful and happy New Year!! Stay safe :)
Marc on January 05, 2011:
Thank you for a very very wise article. It was just what I was looking for.
I feel that I'm on both sides of the issue. I have occasional anger problems (usually when I'm stressed, haven't eaten in a while, or majorly disappointed about something), but try my hardest to make sure that it's MYSELF who gets injured (biting my knuckles, usually) rather than dare hurt someone else. :( Or if I AM trying to egg someone on (it's rare, but it has happened, I remember), I usually am WANTING that person to get really angry at me, and end up hurting me. I don't know why. Maybe it's primal instinct or want of any kind of attention, even negative attention.
But most of the time, I'm REALLY afraid of conflict. I can smell it from a mile away, and usually try to run away from it at every chance I get (partially because I don't want to be involved, and partially because I'm afraid of witnessing something horrible happen, like a physical altercation). I can't even stand confict in movies or TV shows (which is probably why I hate drama)!!! I think it's the idea of loss of control that scares me most. We all have the capability to hurt (or even kill) others, and that scares me SO MUCH. :(
The reality is, conflict is a very real part of our lives, and something we have to deal with constructively. I deeply thank you for your wise words here, and will apply them to my own life and constant struggle with anger and conflict. Big hugs and peace to you (and all of us) in the New Year. :)
Jerry on November 11, 2010:
I feel much better now after writing with you. I'll just forget about the whole thing and move on. Take care as well.
Shil1978 (author) on November 11, 2010:
Jerry, yes - that was a very cowardly act on the part of the trouble maker - to try to pick a fight with a man with his wife and kids. But, let's face it - there are many such cowards and fools like him and we can't go around trying to drill sense into them all.
Just remember that even when you are not with your wife and kids, that they will be affected deeply by any news of conflict that you got yourself involved in and perhaps got injured from. Walking away from a fight is okay - it does not make you a coward.
You are what you think you are, and if you think you are strong - you don't have to prove it to others, especially a coward like this person was!
As for the thanks, you are most welcome - thanks for being open to my advice too! Take care friend :)
Jerry on November 11, 2010:
I know but that was such a cowardly act. Thank you for your words and I would certainly stay safe.
Shil1978 (author) on November 11, 2010:
Jerry, I can understand your feelings and the natural instinct you have in wanting to "show him" and to find out if he "is as brave," but think for a moment - is it really worth seeking him out? You may knock him out, but what will come out of it? Perhaps, revenge and a cycle of violence!!
If he is a bad person, he may have bad company and you have a wife and kid to care for. Is it really worth your time pursuing the matter? Think about it and I think you'd know your answer!! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story, Jerry. Wish you and wife and kids well - stay safe!!
Jerry on November 11, 2010:
While I was crossing the street with my wife and baby two men in a van accelerated and almost ran us over. I simply loudly told my wife look at this crazy fool he almost killed us. We kept walking and the two men went around the corner, and cut us off with the van. The driver started to threaten me making believe he had something under his chair. I simply told him that if he thought it was right to accelerate his van while a family with a child was crossing the street. He didn't care and kept telling me that if I had said something to him or not in a threatening manner. The truth is that he was very young and looked like he had been arrested before because he had tattoos that are usually done in prison or by a gang. I knew I could of won the fight but I just said no because I knew that was what he wanted. He left and nothing happened but it maid me feel very bad that he was trying to pick a fight while a was with my wife and 3 year old child. That really pissed me off and all I do now since yesterday is pray that I see him again alone to see if is as brave as he was pretending when he caught me off guard making me fear for my family's safety. Is my feeling wrong?
Shil1978 (author) on September 28, 2010:
Am glad you came to that realization John, so happy for you!! You are right - it is not just about you but also about your family and kids.
Often times, confrontations can have unintended consequences that involve people accompanying us!!
Thanks for sharing your experience and keep ignoring!! Best of luck :)
John on September 28, 2010:
Your advice is sound, I'm actually using it so I won't be as prone to getting into physical altercations. Getting physically injured isn't the main reason though( I was a golden glove boxer, and can defend myself quite well), I mainly want to insure no one around me(mainly my wife), do not suffer any sort of repercussions by me continuing in these altercations.
I realized I had a problem yesterday when two punks in a vehicle in front of me kept taunting me(for no apparent reason), and blocking the road stopping any further impeadment, finally I lost my temper and gave them the finger and a "come on" gesture" They followed me(my wife was with me) and waived a gun around. Eventually they just exited the highway(they obviously were just looking to make themselves feel tough). After the altercation, I was just pissed, and I realized how much it scared my wife.(I definitely don't want that)
After thinking back through this altercation, I realized that they were just looking for a fight in the first place, and I should've just ignored them, so I've decided to not become defensive any longer unless I absolutely have no other choice, but to protect myself.
Shil1978 (author) on September 27, 2010:
What kind of man indeed - a loser for sure by my reckoning!! You did well, Kavita. It just ain't worth picking up fights with losers such as him. As you put it, you don't have to get down to their level!!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting - glad you found this hub insightful :)
Kavita Kapoor from London on September 27, 2010:
Very insightful. I have a problem with biting my tongue sometimes but then I think and wonder, If I lose my temper and resort to violence it just brings me down low to that person's level.
Only this morning on my way to work I had an altercation with another passenger on the cramped train. I decided to ignore him anyway as a) I was half asleep and b) this man was twice the size of me and I probably wouldn't have stood a chance! It did make me wonder though what kind of man picks a fight with a woman
Shil1978 (author) on September 06, 2010:
RAndom, personally, I would have tried to ignore him and walk away. Usually, when you walk away, there is very little the aggressor can do - except question your manhood (if you are a man) or call you a coward, etc., which really are just words and don't mean anything. You don't have to prove anything to fools like that!!
Once you give in and it gets physical, you can't control the outcome any longer. It would end in any number of ways - some pretty harmless, others with lot of physical harm to the individuals concerned. So, my advice would be avoid getting physical by walking away and not feel compelled to prove a point!!
RAndom on September 06, 2010:
What if there's no verbal build up at all? I had a fight today cause a guy was kicking my stuff over and junk repeatedly as a joke. He started to smack me around a bit and after a little while a socked him in the head without control. Like I meant to do it but not as hard as I did and he went nuts. Started a full blown brawl and the whole thing was just guys bein dickheads for fun. We didn't have anything against each other I actually hang out with him on occasion. So should I just completely avoid stuff like that cause I walked away and junk but the idea that it was just stuffing around led it to escalate. now I'm minus a friend and the rest of my group think I'm fully agro and shit.
Shil1978 (author) on June 24, 2010:
Yes Jenn, that's the best approach to take. Some of these folks just want you to respond so they get an excuse to start a fight. Ignoring is best!!
Thank you for stopping by and for commenting :)
Jennifer Bates from West Palm Beach on June 24, 2010:
Yes I agree. By showing the other person that there words are not bothering you, suddenly it seems as if there no purpose any longer. If it doesn't bother you then it is no longer (should I say) "fun" to them. Some people want you to lose your temper. If someone is being nasty to me, I will just smile and not say a word. That will make them frustrated and most likely walk away.
Shil1978 (author) on June 23, 2010:
It turned out okay for you in the end, didn't it? I mean verbal abuses can easily turn physical, and if that had happened, well I guess more than your evening would have been ruined!!
Ideally, you should have just allowed the moron to pass, but I guess you just couldn't resist yelling back!! That's how it starts - when you get provoked into a verbal battle!
From then on, how it ends up is anybody's guess, but chances are you could come off far worse than you'd ever anticipated.
So, just let morons like those go their way. There's really no need to prove anything to losers like that. They probably are upset about something else and just need a punching bag and an occasion to start punching!!
Thank you jessup for sharing your experience. Appreciate your visiting this hub and posting the comment :)
jessup on June 23, 2010:
I just had a confrontation tonight with some guy--he was tailgating and swerving back and forth. I pulled onto a sidestreet to stop and let him pass. He turned too, and shouted some sh*t as he went by. I yelled back and he stopped his car. I got out of my car and he got out of his. We shouted at each other for a while. He was really on edge and angry--there was something else eating him up besides me. He was also bigger than me and I decided I didn't want to get injured in a fight. We both got back in our cars after more sh*t-talking. It's amazing how some asshole can totally ruin an evening.
Shil1978 (author) on May 23, 2010:
Thank you lctodd for stopping by and for your words of appreciation. Thank you very much!
Linda Todd from Charleston on May 23, 2010:
Very good advice and thanks for putting it out to the reader so well. Thank you.
Shil1978 (author) on March 05, 2010:
Well, kelp, what can I say - feel just great to hear that. You made my day!! Thanks for being my fan :)
kelp on March 05, 2010:
thanks Shil1978 :) I'm a huge fan of your articles!
Shil1978 (author) on March 04, 2010:
Hey kelp, you did just great!! And, yes, I know what you mean :) with your second comment, but it really is wise to have that "punch" mentally than put that into action, which would be real foolish, unless you are some sort of accomplished martial arts expert!!
kelp on March 04, 2010:
...but damn, that guy really did need a punch in the face
kelp on March 04, 2010:
great article. i just had this sort of confrontation today. actually a man came after me in the street, he wanted to start a fight. all because i happened to be standing in his way while he was running. after much verbal abuse, he came after me. i backed away from him as he continued to come towards me, said i was sorry (for what, i have no idea) and he left. no point getting into a fight with a mentally unstable jackass
Shil1978 (author) on October 15, 2009:
Thanks Dax for your kind words and wishes - much appreciated :)
Dax Michaels on October 15, 2009:
Thanks Shil1978! You have a great page here!!! Best wishes always
Shil1978 (author) on September 22, 2009:
You did the right thing Dax. What matters is what you think about yourself, not what others think about you!!
Supagirl on June 20, 2009:
Bullies or folk with overly-aggressive attitudes, are people with either very low-self esteem, & egocentric/entitlement towards others, that is why they bully to cover up their own insecurities & weaknesses. They are also people who have not learned to make it on their own....
Bullies often hate & become aggressive towards people who have integrity, & think being honest, good natured is a weakness, & that their unscrupulous, controlling behaviour with others is being strong, when it advertises actually how weak they are. True confidence in yourself is not bulliying others into conflict -it shows the bully is threatened by his/her victim!!
Bullies/aggressors are usually jealous of others, & that is why they try to provoke others into conflict, because they don't know any other way how to behave. Also bullies tho may be intelligent, actually have a very low emotional maturity, of about the age of a young child!
Shil1978 (author) on June 20, 2009:
Yes supagirl - ignoring works - it has for me. But, often people can't resist getting sucked into a verbal argument. Unfortunately, what starts as a verbal argument can often end up in a physical confrontation. You have to let go of the ego and learn to ignore. Its something people need to work towards and I hope they do learn this!!
supagirl on June 20, 2009:
I really agree with the ignoring comment. In my experience, someone gunning for you, can't handle being ignored or not getting a reaction out of you. Bullies or angry people often get their jollies off wanting attention & thinking they have power over their victims. It's best not be too rash, but instead think things thro & main thing, remain calm.
Oh yeah, it's also always good to know yourself, what your emotional triggers are, so your enemies can't exploit them!
Dead On on May 18, 2009:
I recently had a guy talk outloud that he was going to hit someone in the group, and that person was me. I was clowning on his hair a bit too much. I shut up and did not pursue it because I don't like to fight. I can defend myself quite well and tend to lose it once I fight, and he was in high school. Not a fair fight but he sure wanted to hit me. Don't say a word, it is not worth it and defenitely, I won't do that again!
Julie A. Johnson from Duluth, MN on May 21, 2008:
The easiest thing to do is just say, "I don't want to argue with you", and walk away.
Ryan OConnell from California on May 10, 2008:
Thanks for this.