My road to a better me. It was a tough journey. Tougher than any that I have ever been through. I know it isn't over yet.
Every person you meet is like no one else that you have ever met. We all have our own preferences that make us who we are. We express ourselves in different styles and mannerisms, add in the way our parents raised us and they give us distinctive life experiences. These differences are what makes life interesting. However, what causes much heartache and misunderstanding to one individual, will not cause the same heartache to someone else. It is all in our personality.
Almost everything that we ever wanted from life comes to us through the hands of another. Through our parents, our teachers, family members, neighbors, clients, co-workers, and the rest of the human race. The more we know about ourselves and others, the more skilled we will become in accomplishing what matters the most in our lives.
There are many different ideas and theories about human interaction. The four lenses is one approach. One that I got to work with very closely in my internship at New River Air Station in Jacksonville, North Carolina.
This training is specifically designed to look with understanding into the heart of another. This training has strengthened marriages, opened the lines of communication between children and parents, reduced personal misunderstandings, and helped others communicate with others in a way that fosters mutual understanding and acceptance. If used properly, the principles you will discover in this workshop will empower you to improve aspects of every personal relationship in your life.
As a bachelors in social work student preparing to do our internship, we had to actually interview with three prospective places we were interested in interning. Probably like most internships. However, how many internships had you working with Marines and their families? There were actually 4 from my class that did their internship at the same base. There were also several more that did their internship at Camp Lejeune Marine Base, as well as Onslow Memorial Hospital, Guardian Ad Litem in two different counties, and many others throughout the civilian community.
This particular personality workshop was offered to military personnel before they were supposed to get married. Statistics show that the order of military branch divorces go: Army, Marine, Navy, Air Force. I am one of these statistics. My children are three of these statistics. I am sure that these statistics will continue to be continued. Unfortunately, I am not the first and I won't be the last. However, when I married, I don't recall being offered this personality workshop to see if we were a good match. The whole point of the workshop is to be placed in the position of understanding the two hierarchy personalities that will be making up your home.
My experience with Four Lenses
Once I knew where I was going to do my internship, I made arrangements to visit before my classes even started. Learning all that my internship had to offer to the military community. Including sitting in on some workshops. Therefore, YES, even though I was divorced, I took the personality test. What I found out about myself really does sound like me.
I was, LITERALLY, in conflict with myself. I was labeled a blue - green. Blue - your heart rules your head. While Green - your head rules your heart. This will always and forever be a battle for me. I have to say that in my younger years, my heart won out. Now, through all the pain that I have suffered, I tend to listen to my head more. I believe that this has been a major cause of anxiety in my life, FOR YEARS! I, now, had the assessment in front of me TO PROVE IT. Therefore, my internship mentor, who was a retired Navy Chaplain said to me, "you are in constant conflict with yourself." I'm like, "yeah, sounds like me." The Navy Chaplain said to me: "You have the GREEN for your diploma in accounting, and you have the BLUE for your bachelors in social work." I'm like, "yeah, yeah, I get that." The Navy Chaplain then said: "you should be in a relationship with a GOLD." Which the gold is found right between the green and blue on the color wheel.
This is what is said about BOTH blues and greens: Intuitive gatherer. Uses an abstract process for gathering information. What separates the greens from the blues in their use of intuition is their tendency towards issues of fact, worldly theory, and scientific discovery. Blues, however, have a focus that is related to people and relationships. It is important to understand that even though individuals share the same preference, they still have deep differences, within these preferences that make them unique and individual. There are as many differences among the same preference as there are between preferences. My being a blue - green has me contradicting myself. Green is the thinker, they trust their intellect more than they do anything else. While blue is the feeler, they use their heart to process information. Knowledge is really not that valuable to a blue. Greens are obsessed with facts, while Blues worry about it effecting others.
More information on a blue: If blues feel emotional support and understanding from others, there is no limit to what they can accomplish. Face to face interaction is a part of their style. Blues like to please others, and they will go out of their way to help everyone fit in. They need to receive emotional support and feedback. Blues usually follow through on their assignments. However, if they have to choose between meeting a deadline and caring for someone's needs, the individual would come first.
How to motivate a blue:
Make sure they know you care about them personally
Focus on feeling, not just on facts
Create a pleasant environment
Create ways for them to use their creative abilities
Utilize principles, not facts
Engage them in group projects or activities
Be enthusiastic and upbeat
Smile and laugh a lot
Draw on their values and interests
Show individual concern for their needs
Use open-ended questions
Make sure people come before any other consideration
More information on green: Thinking and analyzing are at the core of the green personality. They value competence in themselves and others. They quickly develop deep contempt for individuals they deem to be incompetent. Greens are considered the typical military member. They have a hard time with routine. They are filled with endless "why" questions. They need sufficient time to complete tasks. Greens are more interested in pleasing themselves and expanding their own areas of knowledge and interest than they are in pleasing others. It is not important to them if they do not fit in. Many, actually, relish the fact that they are different, and they will do things just to make sure they don't follow a "herd" mentality. Some will maintain a course of dialogue or action they believe to be the moral or intellectual high ground, even if it causes disharmony. They are usually not afraid of conflict or heated debates, as long as the discussion focuses on ideas and concepts and not feelings and emotions. Greens always believe there is a better way to do something. They do not need a lot of personal emotional support, but they need support for their ideas and thinking skills.
How to motivate a green:
Avoid defending black and white positions that rely on feelings
Value them as an individual
Value intelligence and research
Create assignments that are thought provoking and meaningful
Recognize them for their ability to think and work
Explore and entertain what-if's as well as theories
Allow them to work in their area of interest
Provide multiple access to resources
Help them to understand the real-life "why's" of an assignment
Provide opportunities for them to share what they know
Provide opportunities for them to develop alternative approaches
Be personally inquisitive and reward inquisitive nature
Let them experiment
Be flexible and reasonable
Focus on facts, theories, and proper analysis of data, information, and knowledge
Allow them to work with like-minded people
The fact that I am one of two colors. In another theory I am a natural blend of Melancholy and Phlegmatic. Melancholy being blue and Phlegmatic being green. They are both introverted, pessimistic and soft spoken. People in this group are more serious. They look into depths of situations. They follow Teddy Roosevelt's advice, "speak softly and carry a big stick." Phlegmatic lightens the depth of Melancholy, and the Melancholy pulls together the looseness of Phlegmatic. This combination makes the greatest educators as Melancholies love of study and research is brightened by Phlegmatics ability to get along with people and present material in a pleasant manner. Phlegmatic is said to be a neutral temperament. The best combination is one in which the evenness of Phlegmatic keeps Melancholy from dropping into depressions, and Melancholy's desire for perfection gets Phlegmatic motivated to action.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicators
In taking the personality test at https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test, I found that I am a ISFJ. Which is in the Sentinels group. A defender.
"The Defender personality type is quite unique, as many of their qualities defy the definition of their individual traits. Though sensitive, Defenders have excellent analytical abilities; though reserved, they have well-developed people skills and robust social relationships; and though they are generally a conservative type, Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas. As with so many things, people with the Defender personality type are more than the sum of their parts, and it is the way they use these strengths that defines who they are."
"Combining the best of tradition and the desire to do good, Defenders are found in lines of work with a sense of history behind them, such as medicine, academics and charitable social work."
"Naturally social, an odd quality for Introverts, Defenders utilize excellent memories not to retain data and trivia, but to remember people, and details about their lives."
Other known defenders are: Halle Berry, Vin Diesel, Beyoncé, Queen Elizabeth II, Kate Middleton, Anne Hathaway, Lance Reddick, and Selena Gomez.
Very interesting Personality Test. Really does put things in perspective for me.
I found the above article to be very informative. It goes into detail about the Melancholy/Phlegmatic blend, as well as Melancholy/Choleric, which both tend to be natural blends for personality.
If you are thinking about getting married, be realistic. Check to see where you both stand as a couple. Bring this understanding into your relationships before it is too late. At least ATTEMPT to lower the statistic of divorce. What do you have to lose?? Not your marriage. If you just take the time to take the test.
Here's a quote by Stephen R. Covey:
All of us think we see the world as it is
When in reality we see the world as we are.
For Further Reading:
The Aristotle Effect (George Nelson)
Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types (David Keirsey & Marilyn Bates)
Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence (David Keirsey)
Type Talk at Work: How 16 Personality Types Determine Your Success on the Job (Otto Kroeger, Janet M. Thuesen, and Hile Rutledge)
Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work (Otto Kroeger & Janet Thuesen)
People Types and Tiger Stripes (Gordon Lawrence)