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Dating Wisdom: How to know if he likes you

The Happy Couple

They got married  7 years to the day of their first date. The good ones are worth waiting for.

They got married 7 years to the day of their first date. The good ones are worth waiting for.

Hands by David Brunetta

Hands by David Brunetta

It's better to be alone than with the wrong person.

It's better to be alone than with the wrong person.

It's worth waiting for the right man

My dating wisdom has never been very popular. Because I will tell girls and women what they need to know, not what they want to hear.

I came by these opinions by working with hundreds of men as a hypnotist. I guess you could say my bread and butter comes from knowing how most men tick. Granted, there is that rare breed of fantasy men that are romantic and will notice if you changed your hair or your perfume, and good luck on finding one of them standing next to the fountain of youth surrounded by unicorns. And most men that are like that are gay and not looking for the girl of their dreams.

Think about men for a moment, and their behavior. When a man wants a car or a new suit, or tickets to a sporting event, they are pretty aggressive about going for it.

You don't have to guess whether they like Mustangs or Cameros or BMW's. They will be test driving them, talking about them, buying magazines on them, and hotly going after them.

If you have to guess whether a man is into you or not, he's not. Look at all the time I've just saved you.

Sadly, many men will just move on once they find out you are not an easy lay. Doubly sad, is that if you have sex with them soon after meeting them, they will also move on, because they got all they wanted, which was a romp in the hay.

Here's a sage bit of advice. Never wait for a man to call you, or call you back. Get on with what makes your life exciting. Throw yourself into your career, raise a dog for the blind, give blood, bike across Europe. Don't sit like a taxi with your meter running waiting for a man to call you. Do I have to make you sign a blood oath? Every minute you sit at home waiting for Mr. Indifferent to call you loses you the opportunity at finding a man that is totally into you and will make you feel like the amazing woman that you are.

A friend I admire for his character and chivalry.


Men to avoid:

1. Any man you've already left because the relationship didn't work the first, second or third time. Don't be a repeat offender.

2. Men that are womanizers. If he's watching her while eating lunch outdoors with you, you should see a red flag. Also known as skirt chasers and horn dogs.

3. Cave men. At the least sign of trouble, they run to their caves and let you solve the problem alone. They will not be there for you when you need them the most. So ask yourself if you need them at all.

4. Compulsive liars. I once dated a man who forgot to mention he was married. Once, at a meeting, I walked in to find his wife sitting on his lap telling the whole room how her wolfy would never ever cheat on her.

5. Double booked wonders. These are the men with schedules so full you are lucky to see them once in a blue moon. If you find your boyfriend is cancelling every other date, it's time to move on.

6. Cheapskates: I'm not saying a man has to pick you up in a limo and take you out on his yacht. I'm saying if your date is constantly eating off your plate, and making you pick up the tab for everything, you should ask yourself if you really want to be in that relationship five years from now. Do you really want to date someone who wants to park 8 blocks away because they don't want to pay the $5 valet fee? Or worse, turns around and goes home because there is no parking the first lap around the block?

Men with Character

You want a man with character, not a man who is a character.

Look for these traits:

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1. Considerate. Doesn't just bring you a coke, but brings your brother one too.

2. Prompt. Doesn't leave you standing at the movie theater entrance, only to arrive 20 minutes after the show started.

3. Career minded but not career obcessed. Makes a decent living, but doesn't work so many hours you start to wonder if he moved to another country.

4. Spiritually compatable.

5. Politically compatable or politically indifferent.

6. Good with children. Even if you don't want to have children, do you really want him snarling every time a child is in the vicinity?

7. Dresses appropriately when it's important. I don't care if he has a blue mohawk and 300 piercings when you are out on the town, but he should be willing and able to tone it down at your grandfather's funeral.

8. Not married to sports unless you are too.

9. Is positive minded and not sarcastic and cynical. Otherwise it will just drag you down over time.

10. Willing to try new things. Beware of control freaks. If you are always doing what he wants and he's rarely willing to do what you want to do, that's a big red flag. I'll never make that mistake again.

11, Slow to anger. This includes road rage. And when he is angry, he expresses it appropriately.

I hope my bit of advice helps. It really is a jungle out there.

Wedding at the Venetian in Las Vegas

Wedding at the Venetian in Las Vegas

Off to get married.

Off to get married.



Sarah Connor from Washington, DC on April 19, 2011:

Haha! This hub is full of practical tried and true advice. It's nice to see the real thing for a change!

Abby on January 03, 2011:

Funny because I got this exact same advice from a very honest platonic guy friend. If they aren't pursing, they aren't interested.

karenfreemansmith from Oregon on December 27, 2010:

The last guy I fell for was definitely a character. I really like the line about having character and not being one.

Annie on December 21, 2010:

I just like to say "thank you so much" for taking the time to write this amazing article!

It sure helps young girls like me to get a much better & correct view on matter of the heart. Already added it to my favorite articles.

Thanks again; and wish you all the best that life could bring. :)

we are on December 16, 2010:

thank you...

thessa on December 01, 2010:

wow your advice is really amazing. its so real and true

RinNes on October 14, 2010:

I enjoyed this article, however, I must agree with Mel above -- half because I find hard to accept some of the statements, and half because I think the more we enter a relationship with cutting expectations and pre-made ideas, the relationship is doomed.

The more you keep it natural and flowing, the more quality time you spend together... The more this beautiful relationship will grow. And then, when it's rooted deep enough, there comes the time to ask where is it leading?

Keep him appreciating, listening, and impressed by you. A tip - the more time you spend daydreaming of how wonderful he is, the faster he'll lose this natural fascination. The most heartfelt attraction is to impress. Be yourself, do the things you enjoy, give him something to catch up with. [If he's absolutely indifferent at that point, he is half dumb!] Fascinate him, by your character, your beat, your laughter, freedom and kindness. Tell him how much you appreciate him, being around him. Ask his advice - make him feel important and looked up too.

Men are just as afraid of what we see in them as we are about them. They are just as afraid we'll notice their faults and turn them down. They are just as attention-craving as we are, even if they express it differently than we do.

A few things I learned the hard way:

1) Many guys are totally indifferent about written expressions of appreciation (letters, notes, emails, SMS messages).

2) Even if a guy is interested in a girl and it is obvious, he'll want to feel he can control his feelings and hide it. So, if the object of his admiration wants more of it, she must be careful not to make him feel "caught", or worse - manipulated. That will definitely make him indifferent.

3) Guys are in general much more laid back than we are - and drama is strange to them. They want it easy, not as fast as we would like. (If they are serious, that is.) And that works well, since even though we hate being left to guess, we loooove the "unavailability" (as Guru-C above put it) of the guy we're interested in. It makes him more desirable! =)

4) We girls take things way to hard. Not everything has meaning, even though we think it does.

5) Guys want to feel free by us without having to fret about romantic issues, especially if they're interested but not fully aware of it.

6) Believe in your love. If you believe it is worth all of you, don't let momentary discouragements lock you within yourself!

Hope I am of help ?


JakeMcMurphy from Chicago on September 21, 2010:

"Any man you've already left because the relationship didn't work the first, second or third time. Don't be a repeat offender."

This is very true. Even if you love someone it may not be enough. Relationships are like history, you may be doomed to repeat it if you're not careful. There are too many "fish in the sea" to spend your time in a relationship that's not going to go anywhere (especially if you're looking for a long-term commitment).

lilyrose4038 on August 06, 2010:

I just went on a date or I should say some what of a blind date. We met online on a dating site, which was fine we chatted for a couple of days and decided we should meet. We did at a roller skating ring he was pleasant, interested on my conversation, it looked like we had a few things in common, we also had a few laughs and a great time skating. In the end I wanted to spend more time with him because I was interested in him, but he stayed a while said he had a job in the morning because he does consturction for a living and also had to drive back home an hour and it was already 10pm. I offered a hand shake he refused it and wanted a hug which of course I enjoyed giving him. I am wondering if he is into me or not? I have not waited long enough to find out, but I don't want to rush him either? Not sure what to do? Any advice on my situation?

kelster from San Diego, Ca on July 24, 2010:

Love this! So true! Thanks for writing!

Cutie than u on April 11, 2010:

this is so true!

DanPowers from Tokyo on February 13, 2010:

If he likes you, he will lose interest in everything else in his life.

Old Crow on December 02, 2009:

You have obviosuly had many bad relationships. I have had plenty too. There is no such thing as a 'right' man or 'right' woman for that matter.

PheonixTears from New Jersey on October 25, 2009:

I Totally agree with you and if a guy likes you he will come out of his way to get you regardless and thats the type of man i want were nothing is a challenge not even me lol but its totally true to know the signals if a guy dose or dosent like you

Katharella from Lost in America on September 23, 2009:

Hi Moonmaiden, oh how I wish I had of read your hub before I so stupidly believed a man loved me and drug my heart through the meat grinder. I seriously feel like I'm never going to meet anyone and be able to give my all to them after what this man has put me though. I hope my trust is not shattered completely. Thanks for a great hub. (I get "winks" at dating sites, rarely email... not sure why just that, I use this same photos, and add others, so what is turning them away?) Am I ugly or bossy? LOL.. feel free to respond honestly, I really NEED to know. I'm 50 and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone!

Brianne k. on May 24, 2009:

Alright so I really like this guy and he asked me out a few years back at the same time as my ex and i just didn't see him in that light then so i said no and yes to my ex.. then he ended up liking my bestfriend and it didn't bother me because during that time he and i were bestfriends.. we talked about everything and anything with eachother.. they fooled around all the time but he wanted to date her and she wasn't ready to get into a relationship with him so he gave up and moved on i guess. Out of no where i started to see him as more then a friend... he was hitting on me telling me i was hot and asking me to hang out more and we started to.. then one night we went to a party and he and i were pretty drunk and he didn't have a place to stay so he stayed at my house and we ended up having sex.. we played if off acted like it never happened and moved on but then it happened again and again and soon enough we were together on a pretty regualr basis with and without the help of alcohol then i got in a huge fight with my parents and i sttayed at his house for about 4 days and it was like we were a couple.. we spent almost all of our spring break together i stayed at his moms with him and at both his sisters houses and then i went back to school and because he graduated last year i didn't see him for a few days but when i did he acted like he didn't know me when i tryed to talk to him.. but after a while that went away and it was normal again i guess you could say.. of course there was other people involved .. we weren't exclusive.. but i wanted to be.. and he knew that. Then just yesterday i went and stayed at his sisters house with him and we layed there and kissed and cuddled.. and then out of no where he just grabbed me and hugged me .. held me really tight for at least a few minutes then got up and went to the kitchen for a drink and then we left.. (our friends had stayed at his sisters too and they were out in the living room sleeping and we don't act that way around them very often.. ) Then today i called him and we talked on the phone for like 3 hours about everything and anything and nothing.. but at the end of the phone call i asked him what i was to him.. he said i don't know.. and i asked for a better answer and he said friends with benefits.. it hurt.. i was mad i told him i was mad.. i didn't yell .. but he knew how i felt and i told him he was doing to me exactly what my bestfriend did to him by fooling around and misleading a person then saying you don't want to be with them .. he just got mad and said i was making him look like the bad guy and he hadn't done anything wrong.. i sat there in silence for a while.. and then all he said was " well i want to go make something to eat ill talk to you later im sorry for misleading you." and hung.. i cryed my eyes out afterwards.. I don't know if i really was just sex to him or if he likes me but he just for some god for saken reason wont admit it .. pleasee help me :(

Dared chick on May 15, 2009:

Hey moonmaiden i hav a problem and was wondering if you could help. There is this 1 guy in my class and i am pretty sure he likes me and i think i like him but im not sure. He is always telling me he hates me (and i return the comment) but im not sure its true becuz sometimes it seems like hes flirting. I'm pretty confused. Does he like me; do I like him? AHHHH!

Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on May 11, 2009:

Dear Dani,

Obviously you two do not want the same thing. How many years are you willing to keep this going before it gets old?

Dear Audrey,

I know a lot of submissive men that thrive on that type of relationship. As long as both people are sharing the trip, it's all well and good. But if one person is playing a game and the other person isn't happy, it's time to walk away.

Audrey on April 10, 2009:


I loved your advice and found it very helpful! I do have a question: I know some girls who are very good at "wipping" guys. Like they can turn a player into a faithful relationship guy. I agree that there should be somewhat of a chase for the guy, but why go through all the effort of changing him. Can a player who becomes whipped (or totally dazzeled) by a girl stay that way? I would think the pedestal he puts the girl on fades. Anyways, I was wondering if that technique really is effective in the long term or should we just avoid players period.

Dani on March 29, 2009:

Ive been seeing this guy for about 4 years off and on. He is about 13 years older than me and is involved in 6 companies (or so he says). We have been sleeping together for the entire 4 years off and on and only recently have I felt that I want more from him. He is ALWAYS busy and doesn't return my calls. If I text him he doesn't answer for a few days and his excuse is always that he really likes me he just has all these responsibilities with these companies. I am a very direct person and I always tell him if he isn't into me that way just tell me and I will move on but he constantly says I am being crazy and he really likes me. I feel lonely all the time because he is never around. Should I stay or should I go?

cathy on February 09, 2009:

hey i have a crush on a guy from my parish, he is my bros frnd n of my age

we used 2 be frnds while v ver small but suddenly in 8th standard i got attracted 2 him n v left talking 2 each other 4m 6th std.I have a serious crush on this guy but he never talks 2 me n neither do i, but he acts different only wid me n not wid other girls, he even talks wid the other girls but not wid me.Once while coming 4m a retreat he had my cell, i left it wid him n he got down early but he came running to return my cell, dat was really sweet, but is der ne sign of love 4m his side?

plz help me wid dis


Mysterious on January 10, 2009:

Hey moonmaiden, i'm kind of confused here, please help me. The guy i like always tries to find topic to talk to me, however there isn't much because we've only known each other for barely a month. He's always trying to provoke me in a joking way, and every time i look at him, he seems to be looking at me 1st but because of his glasses i can hardly see his eyes and can't confirm if he's really looking at me. There's once when his friend told me that the guy i like, like me too. However the guy told me once that if he ever like a girl, he'll never have the gut to let her know. So what should i do to let him confess to me?