The Happy Couple
It's worth waiting for the right man
My dating wisdom has never been very popular. Because I will tell girls and women what they need to know, not what they want to hear.
I came by these opinions by working with hundreds of men as a hypnotist. I guess you could say my bread and butter comes from knowing how most men tick. Granted, there is that rare breed of fantasy men that are romantic and will notice if you changed your hair or your perfume, and good luck on finding one of them standing next to the fountain of youth surrounded by unicorns. And most men that are like that are gay and not looking for the girl of their dreams.
Think about men for a moment, and their behavior. When a man wants a car or a new suit, or tickets to a sporting event, they are pretty aggressive about going for it.
You don't have to guess whether they like Mustangs or Cameros or BMW's. They will be test driving them, talking about them, buying magazines on them, and hotly going after them.
If you have to guess whether a man is into you or not, he's not. Look at all the time I've just saved you.
Sadly, many men will just move on once they find out you are not an easy lay. Doubly sad, is that if you have sex with them soon after meeting them, they will also move on, because they got all they wanted, which was a romp in the hay.
Here's a sage bit of advice. Never wait for a man to call you, or call you back. Get on with what makes your life exciting. Throw yourself into your career, raise a dog for the blind, give blood, bike across Europe. Don't sit like a taxi with your meter running waiting for a man to call you. Do I have to make you sign a blood oath? Every minute you sit at home waiting for Mr. Indifferent to call you loses you the opportunity at finding a man that is totally into you and will make you feel like the amazing woman that you are.
A friend I admire for his character and chivalry.
Navigating Shark Infested Waters
Men to avoid:
1. Any man you've already left because the relationship didn't work the first, second or third time. Don't be a repeat offender.
2. Men that are womanizers. If he's watching her while eating lunch outdoors with you, you should see a red flag. Also known as skirt chasers and horn dogs.
3. Cave men. At the least sign of trouble, they run to their caves and let you solve the problem alone. They will not be there for you when you need them the most. So ask yourself if you need them at all.
4. Compulsive liars. I once dated a man who forgot to mention he was married. Once, at a meeting, I walked in to find his wife sitting on his lap telling the whole room how her wolfy would never ever cheat on her.
5. Double booked wonders. These are the men with schedules so full you are lucky to see them once in a blue moon. If you find your boyfriend is cancelling every other date, it's time to move on.
6. Cheapskates: I'm not saying a man has to pick you up in a limo and take you out on his yacht. I'm saying if your date is constantly eating off your plate, and making you pick up the tab for everything, you should ask yourself if you really want to be in that relationship five years from now. Do you really want to date someone who wants to park 8 blocks away because they don't want to pay the $5 valet fee? Or worse, turns around and goes home because there is no parking the first lap around the block?
Men with Character
You want a man with character, not a man who is a character.
Look for these traits:
1. Considerate. Doesn't just bring you a coke, but brings your brother one too.
2. Prompt. Doesn't leave you standing at the movie theater entrance, only to arrive 20 minutes after the show started.
3. Career minded but not career obcessed. Makes a decent living, but doesn't work so many hours you start to wonder if he moved to another country.
4. Spiritually compatable.
5. Politically compatable or politically indifferent.
6. Good with children. Even if you don't want to have children, do you really want him snarling every time a child is in the vicinity?
7. Dresses appropriately when it's important. I don't care if he has a blue mohawk and 300 piercings when you are out on the town, but he should be willing and able to tone it down at your grandfather's funeral.
8. Not married to sports unless you are too.
9. Is positive minded and not sarcastic and cynical. Otherwise it will just drag you down over time.
10. Willing to try new things. Beware of control freaks. If you are always doing what he wants and he's rarely willing to do what you want to do, that's a big red flag. I'll never make that mistake again.
11, Slow to anger. This includes road rage. And when he is angry, he expresses it appropriately.
I hope my bit of advice helps. It really is a jungle out there.
Sarah Connor from Washington, DC on April 19, 2011:
Haha! This hub is full of practical tried and true advice. It's nice to see the real thing for a change!
Abby on January 03, 2011:
Funny because I got this exact same advice from a very honest platonic guy friend. If they aren't pursing, they aren't interested.
karenfreemansmith from Oregon on December 27, 2010:
The last guy I fell for was definitely a character. I really like the line about having character and not being one.
Annie on December 21, 2010:
I just like to say "thank you so much" for taking the time to write this amazing article!
It sure helps young girls like me to get a much better & correct view on matter of the heart. Already added it to my favorite articles.
Thanks again; and wish you all the best that life could bring. :)
we are on December 16, 2010:
thessa on December 01, 2010:
wow your advice is really amazing. its so real and true
RinNes on October 14, 2010:
I enjoyed this article, however, I must agree with Mel above -- half because I find hard to accept some of the statements, and half because I think the more we enter a relationship with cutting expectations and pre-made ideas, the relationship is doomed.
The more you keep it natural and flowing, the more quality time you spend together... The more this beautiful relationship will grow. And then, when it's rooted deep enough, there comes the time to ask where is it leading?
Keep him appreciating, listening, and impressed by you. A tip - the more time you spend daydreaming of how wonderful he is, the faster he'll lose this natural fascination. The most heartfelt attraction is to impress. Be yourself, do the things you enjoy, give him something to catch up with. [If he's absolutely indifferent at that point, he is half dumb!] Fascinate him, by your character, your beat, your laughter, freedom and kindness. Tell him how much you appreciate him, being around him. Ask his advice - make him feel important and looked up too.
Men are just as afraid of what we see in them as we are about them. They are just as afraid we'll notice their faults and turn them down. They are just as attention-craving as we are, even if they express it differently than we do.
A few things I learned the hard way:
1) Many guys are totally indifferent about written expressions of appreciation (letters, notes, emails, SMS messages).
2) Even if a guy is interested in a girl and it is obvious, he'll want to feel he can control his feelings and hide it. So, if the object of his admiration wants more of it, she must be careful not to make him feel "caught", or worse - manipulated. That will definitely make him indifferent.
3) Guys are in general much more laid back than we are - and drama is strange to them. They want it easy, not as fast as we would like. (If they are serious, that is.) And that works well, since even though we hate being left to guess, we loooove the "unavailability" (as Guru-C above put it) of the guy we're interested in. It makes him more desirable! =)
4) We girls take things way to hard. Not everything has meaning, even though we think it does.
5) Guys want to feel free by us without having to fret about romantic issues, especially if they're interested but not fully aware of it.
6) Believe in your love. If you believe it is worth all of you, don't let momentary discouragements lock you within yourself!
Hope I am of help ?
JakeMcMurphy from Chicago on September 21, 2010:
"Any man you've already left because the relationship didn't work the first, second or third time. Don't be a repeat offender."
This is very true. Even if you love someone it may not be enough. Relationships are like history, you may be doomed to repeat it if you're not careful. There are too many "fish in the sea" to spend your time in a relationship that's not going to go anywhere (especially if you're looking for a long-term commitment).
lilyrose4038 on August 06, 2010:
I just went on a date or I should say some what of a blind date. We met online on a dating site, which was fine we chatted for a couple of days and decided we should meet. We did at a roller skating ring he was pleasant, interested on my conversation, it looked like we had a few things in common, we also had a few laughs and a great time skating. In the end I wanted to spend more time with him because I was interested in him, but he stayed a while said he had a job in the morning because he does consturction for a living and also had to drive back home an hour and it was already 10pm. I offered a hand shake he refused it and wanted a hug which of course I enjoyed giving him. I am wondering if he is into me or not? I have not waited long enough to find out, but I don't want to rush him either? Not sure what to do? Any advice on my situation?
kelster from San Diego, Ca on July 24, 2010:
Love this! So true! Thanks for writing!
Cutie than u on April 11, 2010:
this is so true!
DanPowers from Tokyo on February 13, 2010:
If he likes you, he will lose interest in everything else in his life.
Old Crow on December 02, 2009:
You have obviosuly had many bad relationships. I have had plenty too. There is no such thing as a 'right' man or 'right' woman for that matter.
PheonixTears from New Jersey on October 25, 2009:
I Totally agree with you and if a guy likes you he will come out of his way to get you regardless and thats the type of man i want were nothing is a challenge not even me lol but its totally true to know the signals if a guy dose or dosent like you
Katharella from Lost in America on September 23, 2009:
Hi Moonmaiden, oh how I wish I had of read your hub before I so stupidly believed a man loved me and drug my heart through the mud..er.. meat grinder. I seriously feel like I'm never going to meet anyone and be able to give my all to them after what this man has put me though. I hope my trust is not shattered completely. Thanks for a great hub. (I get "winks" at dating sites, rarely email... not sure why just that, I use this same photos, and add others, so what is turning them away?) Am I ugly or bossy? LOL.. feel free to respond honestly, I really NEED to know. I'm 50 and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone!
Brianne k. on May 24, 2009:
Alright so I really like this guy and he asked me out a few years back at the same time as my ex and i just didn't see him in that light then so i said no and yes to my ex.. then he ended up liking my bestfriend and it didn't bother me because during that time he and i were bestfriends.. we talked about everything and anything with eachother.. they fooled around all the time but he wanted to date her and she wasn't ready to get into a relationship with him so he gave up and moved on i guess. Out of no where i started to see him as more then a friend... he was hitting on me telling me i was hot and asking me to hang out more and we started to.. then one night we went to a party and he and i were pretty drunk and he didn't have a place to stay so he stayed at my house and we ended up having sex.. we played if off acted like it never happened and moved on but then it happened again and again and soon enough we were together on a pretty regualr basis with and without the help of alcohol then i got in a huge fight with my parents and i sttayed at his house for about 4 days and it was like we were a couple.. we spent almost all of our spring break together i stayed at his moms with him and at both his sisters houses and then i went back to school and because he graduated last year i didn't see him for a few days but when i did he acted like he didn't know me when i tryed to talk to him.. but after a while that went away and it was normal again i guess you could say.. of course there was other people involved .. we weren't exclusive.. but i wanted to be.. and he knew that. Then just yesterday i went and stayed at his sisters house with him and we layed there and kissed and cuddled.. and then out of no where he just grabbed me and hugged me .. held me really tight for at least a few minutes then got up and went to the kitchen for a drink and then we left.. (our friends had stayed at his sisters too and they were out in the living room sleeping and we don't act that way around them very often.. ) Then today i called him and we talked on the phone for like 3 hours about everything and anything and nothing.. but at the end of the phone call i asked him what i was to him.. he said i don't know.. and i asked for a better answer and he said friends with benefits.. it hurt.. i was mad i told him i was mad.. i didn't yell .. but he knew how i felt and i told him he was doing to me exactly what my bestfriend did to him by fooling around and misleading a person then saying you don't want to be with them .. he just got mad and said i was making him look like the bad guy and he hadn't done anything wrong.. i sat there in silence for a while.. and then all he said was " well i want to go make something to eat ill talk to you later im sorry for misleading you." and hung.. i cryed my eyes out afterwards.. I don't know if i really was just sex to him or if he likes me but he just for some god for saken reason wont admit it .. pleasee help me :(
Dared chick on May 15, 2009:
Hey moonmaiden i hav a problem and was wondering if you could help. There is this 1 guy in my class and i am pretty sure he likes me and i think i like him but im not sure. He is always telling me he hates me (and i return the comment) but im not sure its true becuz sometimes it seems like hes flirting. I'm pretty confused. Does he like me; do I like him? AHHHH!
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on May 11, 2009:
Obviously you two do not want the same thing. How many years are you willing to keep this going before it gets old?
I know a lot of submissive men that thrive on that type of relationship. As long as both people are sharing the trip, it's all well and good. But if one person is playing a game and the other person isn't happy, it's time to walk away.
Audrey on April 10, 2009:
I loved your advice and found it very helpful! I do have a question: I know some girls who are very good at "wipping" guys. Like they can turn a player into a faithful relationship guy. I agree that there should be somewhat of a chase for the guy, but why go through all the effort of changing him. Can a player who becomes whipped (or totally dazzeled) by a girl stay that way? I would think the pedestal he puts the girl on fades. Anyways, I was wondering if that technique really is effective in the long term or should we just avoid players period.
Dani on March 29, 2009:
Ive been seeing this guy for about 4 years off and on. He is about 13 years older than me and is involved in 6 companies (or so he says). We have been sleeping together for the entire 4 years off and on and only recently have I felt that I want more from him. He is ALWAYS busy and doesn't return my calls. If I text him he doesn't answer for a few days and his excuse is always that he really likes me he just has all these responsibilities with these companies. I am a very direct person and I always tell him if he isn't into me that way just tell me and I will move on but he constantly says I am being crazy and he really likes me. I feel lonely all the time because he is never around. Should I stay or should I go?
cathy on February 09, 2009:
hey i have a crush on a guy from my parish, he is my bros frnd n of my age
we used 2 be frnds while v ver small but suddenly in 8th standard i got attracted 2 him n v left talking 2 each other 4m 6th std.I have a serious crush on this guy but he never talks 2 me n neither do i, but he acts different only wid me n not wid other girls, he even talks wid the other girls but not wid me.Once while coming 4m a retreat he had my cell, i left it wid him n he got down early but he came running to return my cell, dat was really sweet, but is der ne sign of love 4m his side?
plz help me wid dis
Mysterious on January 10, 2009:
Hey moonmaiden, i'm kind of confused here, please help me. The guy i like always tries to find topic to talk to me, however there isn't much because we've only known each other for barely a month. He's always trying to provoke me in a joking way, and every time i look at him, he seems to be looking at me 1st but because of his glasses i can hardly see his eyes and can't confirm if he's really looking at me. There's once when his friend told me that the guy i like, like me too. However the guy told me once that if he ever like a girl, he'll never have the gut to let her know. So what should i do to let him confess to me?
thatgirl on December 26, 2008:
okay i'm a lil young and guys, one in particular, seem to confuse me.but i figured it'd be nice to know a lil sooner! haha but
i started talkin to this guy back last year, he had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship, i knew who he was cuz we lived close and our family knew each other, but we never really socialize.he was and still is more of the type to stay in some kinda trouble.he liked hanging out but it was more like we were just really good friends, we kissed and all but he never seemed to interested in dating. after several months we quit talking, we still continued to be friends and hang out. well he was more of a bad guy, which i fell head over hills for, and even though i know he's a waste of time, im still hung up on him, i mean we still hang out and stuff, but usually it's when he's tryin to get some, but i mean when we are around each other just me and him he seems to care. sometimes arounf other people but not usually. but why, when you know there not worth your time, do you still like/care for them!
kawaii koneko-chan on November 04, 2008:
Thank you moonmaiden. I'll try and do that :)
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on November 03, 2008:
Wow, no wonder you are confused. But much like a rose, you have to let it grow and not pick it to pieces. You are so young to be making lifetime commitments. Try to relax and enjoy the ride.
kawaii koneko-chan on November 03, 2008:
Hey there moonmaiden. I have a problem and was wondering if you could help me. Well, theres a guy I've known for ten years(ever since kindergarten) and we've been friends since then. There have been major things that have ruined tons of friendships I had with other people but hes one of the only people I have as a friend any more. Well, for a long time I've been told by everyone(friends and family) that has seen us both together that we make a perfect couple and that they can tell we both really like eachother. I have liked him, pretty much, for ten years(strange I know) and I turned fifteen this summer. He's been flirting with me alot and his body language shows that he likes me too. When ever I walk in the room he always makes a funny sarcastic comment or turns his face towards me quickly and looks away, his face having a slight blush to it. This summer, we were spending time with eachother, like we normally do, and the conversation turned to whom we secretly admire and then to that we both really liked eachother. Ever since then I have been patiently waiting for him to ask me to be his girlfriend. I think I may have made a mistake though because I ended up asking him a few weeks ago about him being my boyfriend. He took a week to think and then sent a song with a mixed meaning and left it at that. I thought he said yes but I double checked and he said no. That it wouldn't work out. My friend, the one whom I admire, is generally shy. He is an only child who is homeschooled and is treated like an adult most of the time. He hides behind his sarcasticness and doesn't open up with his feelings to many people. But he opens up to me. A few days before he answered me, I leaned my head on his shoulder, it didn't bother him but he enjoyed it. Every time I look at him or talk to him, he always keeps eye contact with me. My family is slowly trying to get him and me together(which somewhat bugs me) by giving him hints about me really likeing him. We talk pretty much every day for an hour or two at a time. When I asked my aunt and other family members, they said he was very obvious about how much that he showed that he liked me. He tries to get me in pretty much every activity that hes in. Could you please help me? Does he like me or not?
Meg on October 03, 2008:
I love your advice!! I've saved it on my computer and read it time and time again for inspiration.... . I appreciate your wisdom and you're right, if a man wants you, he'll find a way to be with you no matter what!!
redpony from PA on September 10, 2008:
Can't agree more :) This is a great hub, thank you.
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on September 08, 2008:
So true, so true.
Tania Williams from Cape Town, South Africa on September 08, 2008:
Great points in the hub...not always so easy to follow when the unconscious "love is blind" thing kicks in!
Still, good anchors to hold onto when you're in the storm.
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on August 03, 2008:
I wouldn't so much ask him out as ask him to hang out. Like after the lesson see if he wants to grab some coffee for example. Just low key, no threatening questions.
Daftbrunette on August 01, 2008:
Hi Moonmaiden, Mine is a typical story -Im 30, with a small son, recently seperated (it had been coming on for while - so emotionally all stable). I feel ready to date, but have been out of the whole scene for a while. A little while back I decided to learn to drive, and have faound myself wondering if there could be something between me and my instrictor (hes divorced, mid fifties).. I know I have a lot to offer any man (own home, hardworker, personality), so confidence isn't the issue. I just have problems reading signals, he has to date, complimented me on looking well, let slip personal information about himself, some slight touchy feely (nothing untoward, just nudges etc), teases me a little and so forth. In my own opinion we are both adults, and a relationship wouldn't hurt anyone. Should I ask him out, or wait and see whilst being the fun, confident person I am. Thanks
Nottaclue on May 24, 2008:
If I consistently and unconciously choose the wrong type of guy to get romantically involved with, what should I do to avoid repeating this cycle? Should I try to date someone I am not necessarily interested in who has the qualities I should find desirable and hope that he will grow on me? I am presently interested in a co-worker who is just recently out of a long term relationship. I think he is my soul mate but I don't feel confident the interest is reciprocated. He borrowed my computer and surprisingly left his picture as my wallpaper. I could be reading too much into that. Should I pursue him and tell him how I feel, or sit back with my fingers crossed hoping he will pursue me?
confused on April 19, 2008:
So Confused ... Need HelpSo Confused ... Need Help there is a guy who is bit more elder than me not married may have a girlfriend not sure. i am so not sure about the way he respond. Sometime i feel he is hiding from me, that he never show up when i am around the other time i feel he is starting at me. He seems to be very nice and calm one day but the other day its just opposite his acts cold and react as if he does not even know me. I have seen him several times starting at me. If i make a loud noise say seems like i am hurt or is arguing with someone then he just seems to rush and his expression is completely weired. I may see him may be 1 in 2 week, but he acts really weired infront of me sometimes gives a loving expression, laugh aloud sometime react as if he hates me. When i mail him to ask some question he never replies me back and when i go and ask him he does not respond but at the end of the day he does the thing that i ask him to do only if i go and ask him personally. He does not even seem to be interest to see me most of the time, When he is somewhere in the study room and i am outside he does not even care to come out or stay still in the room as if he sees me its a bad luck for him but sometime feels as if he cares ... especially when i am down or sick I am so confused whether this guy is hate me or not
Serge on April 06, 2008:
I am nearly 50. I have had lots of bad relationships. I am single and have been for two years. I met a man in his late 60's over the Internet. He lives in Germany and I live in Australia. I have been talking to him on-line for a year and a half.
After about 2 weeks of talking to him, he interrupted me and said he wanted sex. I was taken aback and out of curiosity - let him talk "dirty" to me and I to him. I thought I was being open-minded. On Christmas Day the years before last, a few weeks into the sex talk, he interupted me again and said, "Rack off" "I don't like you like you like me!" I was furious and insulted and let him know in no uncertain terms. We smoothed it over. Then I sent him a photo of myself and got on LIve Messenger with a webcam. That changed things! Once he saw me, he said - "well, I couldn't do better than that!" The point is, he is still talking to me, I won't allow sex talk anymore and haven't for over a year. He is full of I love you's and it there willing to talk to me everynight. What does anyone make of that?
I don't think any man is monogamous - if he is - it's by necessity not choice and he will always be perving no matter what. As a 50 year old woman - my experience tells me this - most men are liars.
lianna on March 20, 2008:
ok, i've been on two dates with this guy, and i'm really into him, i stayed over the other night but didn't do anything as he said he quite liked me and wouldn't want me to give in so easily.. he's always txting me, paying for everything etc..., telling me he thinks of me, but i also know from his facebook account that he had another girl over the other night, and i know he turned his phone off, i know we've only been on two dates so technically he's still a free man but should i back off? help...
caligal75 on March 15, 2008:
Hello Moonmaiden and Aphroditie, I totally agree with you to be up front with feelings if you like or dis like a person . It's just like waisting time. I was in a realtationship i had to guess what the guy was thinking did he like me or what. No but now i learned to be up front and ask. There is plenty fish out there in the sea when you least expect it that is when they find you or you find him everything has to do with timing too.
racerx12345 on February 16, 2008:
Love your hub: Short, sweet and very to the point. Well done! These are things I need to always remember---thanks! :)
amy on January 29, 2008:
thx i actually learnt some important things frm this one.
GW on January 24, 2008:
Sadly, if a man has all those qualities but isn't attractive, it matters not. It's a very superficial world out there and until women are able to look past that, they'll continue to get the players. Try looking past his appearance and look for what's inside.
rymez on January 11, 2008:
me and my ex broke up (i broke up with him because there wasa misunderstanding between us) and im crazyabout him. we had a last fight about 5 weeks ago after we broke up. and he told me not to talk to him ever again. but at school he still looks at me a lot.
sleumas75 on December 29, 2007:
I work with this guy and we're like from two different worlds, but he invited me to church and he talks to me everyday and he flirts, but never asked me out so like you said if they like you they will let you know, but sometimes it's hard to know.
ink on November 29, 2007:
"Doubly sad, is that if you have sex with them soon after meeting them, they will also move on, because they got all they wanted, which was a romp in the hay."
Or sometimes they'll move on simply because on reflection they then categorize you as easy. Men are odd creatures... they want it and push for it, but when you give them what they want too soon it can backfire on you. On the other hand, no decent guy will move on because you made him wait.
Manoharan from Bangalore - 560097, Karnataka, India on November 27, 2007:
I feel every woman should read this post
kyleee on October 25, 2007:
well i lyk this boy and idk if he lyks me, but i think he does bc everytime we see eachother he flirts with me, but then when he isn't around my stepbrother says that he don't lyk me, what should i do, believe my stepbrother or trust my heart?
kyleee on October 25, 2007:
well i lyk this boy and idk if he lyks me, but i think he does bc everytime we see eachother he flirts with me, but then when he isn't around my stepbrother says that he don't lyk me, what should i do, believe my stepbrother or trust my heart?
Amina on October 24, 2007:
That is so true, thanks for that one about the Double booked wonders. That totally fits my situation. I need to re-read He's just that into you.
KING-B-II on September 08, 2007:
I like the Article, but it looks like its a cat fight between hubbers (your Comments)
rivat warika on September 07, 2007:
k there this guy in school and he sits one seat away from me in this 2hr class! he is really popular and a jock. i only just tried out for the soccer team. he talks to my friend and i a lot. and today durin a fire drill we couldn't find our class and my friend found it then we couldn't see where she went, i went and stood in front of this kid in our class then he (guy i like) like is this our class? and i like yeah and he says well let go over there cause this guy lost i go and find my friend and stand in front of her and then he stands right next to me and then we smile at each other and kind of do a snort laugh and then we stand straight, then he look at his friend in another class who his best friend he also on his soccer team. this year he glanced at me once but tht prob because we've only been in school for a week and he hasn't seen me all summer!
ELLA on July 20, 2007:
.........I know what Love is now cause I got my heart broken a month ago..i know now what its like not being with the one you Love...because I finally realized that sometimes you have to put on a balance: The Love U Have For Him AND The Pain He Is Cauzing You,even if you Love him to death, you sometimes gotta let him go because you just cant take the fact of crying everynigth, for a guy thats not even worth it....YEH I know He WASN'T worth it.He was a POT smoking kid,That only tough about SEX and was still in second grade when he is now 18!!And Im a girl that comes from a GOOD family with GOOD values and it was the first time i spend nigths crying over a guy,I would even cry if he forgeted to call me!!(NOW DATS LOVE) and im gonna tell you the thruth its weird dat I was crazy over him like dat cauz I always had the guys i wanted and actually always had WHATEVER i wanted!!I know that JERK saw how much i was worth but he NEVER valorized me,he never told me Honey you look pretty today when i spend HOURS getting ready just so he could be proud of me by his side.SOO HELP ME!! cauz its getting ironnacaly hard for me to trust eny guy that approches me...and i don't wanna lie im getting alot of attetnion these days..and i just don't know who to trust,who to love...WHO TO BE!!...! Help!With Love ELLA
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on June 03, 2007:
It takes two people to make a relationship work. That means sometimes you have to intiate things, and sometimes you have to let them initiate things.
Cheetah on June 03, 2007:
Thank you for really good advice, Moonmaiden! Every time I meet a guy that is interesting, I read your posts and try to think if he is worth it. Actually, I just met a guy like that, I think. We have been on one date so far. The problem is that I was the one to ask him out, although he actually arranged the date. What do you think about that? We both met at a private party and we talked for hours, changed numbers (his idea), but after one week he hadn't called so I sms:ed him. I am not sure if he is shy, but who knows. Do you generally think it's a bad sign if you sort of have to ask him out yourself? Kind regards, Cheetah
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on May 16, 2007:
You intrique him. He's still around isn't he? You may just be more woman than he can handle. At least you're not boring.
Lauren on May 16, 2007:
The guy I like once told me I was the strangest woman he ever met (and he meant it). He said it in a concerned/serious/confused tone. Is that bad? We go out often, but as friends and there are always other people involved. Sometimes I feel like he's interested. But if I have to guess then I must be wrong, right?
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on May 15, 2007:
Sounds like at least the beginning of a great friendship.
Btw people have sued because of those smoke/fog machines. I guess they irritate a lot of performers.
MissM on May 15, 2007:
I had a really strange experience the other day. I work in stage theatres and there is a smoke machine that has to be left on all the time otherwise the lighting doesn't look effective. The trouble is I had a bad reaction to this machine (like I do with all other smoke machines). I was setting up the props table on the side with the machine on and I reacted and this guy came over to me and told me that he would sort me out with some stuff ASAP to stop my reaction. I thought at first nothing of it and got on with what I was doing. A few minutes later he came over to me and said my name (which he shortened about the only person to do so) pinched my elbow and said he would get me a drink to stop me from coughing. About 5 minutes later he came back with 2 cans of Coke. I thought that it was one each but it turned out that they were both for me. One to drink up there and one was just incase the other ran out. He then said to me that we are not supposed to have cans backstage but he would make an allowence for me. He then told everyone else to get their own drinks and it had to be water.
What followed this was that everytime I needed tape or a marker pen he went and got it for me. With everyone else he made them get it themselves. Then when the lighting was going on he stood the other side of the stage starting at me (well from what I could see).
Then he started messing around with his walkie talkie following one of the tech people around and I smiled (cos he was being goofy) and he returned the smile and walked past me grinning then ran down the stairs.
These past several weeks I have been working my ass off so I'm really tired (I finish work at around 1 in the morning and start at 7am for the last 5 weeks) and I need someone elses opinion on this cos my mind is working at different speeds.
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on May 07, 2007:
I applaud your courage RGirl and I wish you the best on the next attempt.
RGirl on May 06, 2007:
Thanks so much everyone for your comments. I had a bad experience this weekend with someone that I really really like, and now I know that no, he does not like me. You've given me some clarity and yes, saved me some time. With this guy, I am now done, I'm out! Cheers and thanks.
Aphroditei on May 03, 2007:
Hi Moonmaiden! I love your article. As you said, it's not a generalization of all men. There's still a "rare breed.. romantic men" and not gay ha. They are not all fantasy or dreams. Because I believe that dreams may come true, if you work hard to earn them. And IF you make your dreams come true too. Right? I was smiling while reading this, because I've always advised too, to my friends to be honest. And if they want to say or show how they feel they must do it. So they won't live in regrets and "what If". But when it comes to myself, I can't~~lol I'm too shy.
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on May 01, 2007:
Your comments hurt Mel. Never have I said we should be playing games. I'm telling people to be up front and say what is on their minds. Nor am I saying all men are alike. That would be silly. Nor am I saying all men are outgoing. A lot of guys are painfully shy. The generalizations you read into this are yours, not mine.
Mel on May 01, 2007:
I'm sorry, but I'm just guna be one of those people that disagree with what you had just said.
Your theory on men liking women? I don't believe it. Maybe because everything you said played out to be some sort of game. If theres one thing I know is guys don't like drama. And another thing is there is no rule book on dating or relationships. I firmly believe whatever feels right, is right. You say if men really want something they go for it.. not nessairly. 5 of my friends have gone through senerios where men can't build up the courage to tell a girl they like them. Based on the fact they are either shy, afraid of rejection (just like women) or the situation makes it difficult, because they don't know what the other thinks of them or of the situation itself. You can't label ONE guy as if hes the same as ALL of them. Its not right. Its like saying one person is rasist, so everyone else is too. I think people just need to follow their gut feelings, and not play these stupid games. Who cares if you kissed him on the 1st date.. was it something you both felt was right? all these lil games do not bring love. It just brings confusion and THEY are what's a waste of time. Women are just as blind as men. We are all equal, and sometimes girls need that obvious sign your interested. Just like men do sometimes! So just be yourself, and have the person love you for you who are, not for a game.
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on April 25, 2007:
To Cindy: One of the problems is a man can give off the tiniest signal that he likes a woman, and in her mind she's already picking out a wedding gown. As far as feeling desperate, you never want to start a relationship when you are feeling desperate. Work on being a total and balanced person before you move into a relationship.
To Lina: The older we get, the less age matters. Besides, no one gets a guarantee they'll live another day. With women typically living longer than men, dating younger makes perfect sense to me. Having the same passions is a plus.
Lina on April 25, 2007:
I'v know this guy since 2001, we were all in the same political group (a close nit group) in my hometown. I left soon to proceed with my career. Recently we were re introduced and we remember and shared some old stories. He adores me and tries to please me with everything l wanted on the 1st meeting. He will grab any chance to meet me anytime l'm back home (3 times). If there are others around he will try his best to get my attention. I am hesitant cause he is 12yrs younger than me.....I know he likes me and l'm attracted to him too, please advice if it's ok to go on further...
Cindy. on April 24, 2007:
I think the reason we spend so much time wondering whether a guy likes us is because we want so desperately for them TO. But you have to admit sometimes they put out all these signals that they like you and then they don't actually come out and say it so there's all this suspense. Is it wise to just come out and ask?
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on April 20, 2007:
Sounds like he's being honest. And a bit dense if he doesn't realize how much you like him.
unanimous on April 20, 2007:
I love your article. It all makes more sense now, but I am 14. There is this guy who is a good friend with me, he will buy me a snowcone and cancel other plans so we can hang out. I thought he liked me, but it must have been wishful thinking because he told me the name of the girl he likes. I've seen her around school but I don't know her. Is he lying or does he just like me as a friend?
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on April 19, 2007:
That is one of the biggest sticklers in dating someone you've known a long time. Neither wants to make the next move for fear of screwing up a perfectly good friendship. Maybe you could ask "Are you happy with the way things are, or do you want to go the next level?"
Jayne on April 19, 2007:
About the line 'If you have to guess whether a man is into you or not, he's not.' What if, like in my situation, the guy shows plenty of positive body language (eye contact, smiling, touching my arm - even hugging occasionally), he compliments me constantly, and is willing to do anything for me? The problem is, we've been friends for years. So, how do I tell if he's just being a good friend, or if he feels something more? I'm sure I could tell in most situations if someone liked me, but not this one unfortunately.
Annika on April 15, 2007:
Thank you, Moonmaiden. I wish every woman read this and tried to steer her dating criteria around these guidelines. It would save so many people a lot of tears and troubles.
melissa on April 05, 2007:
this guy im dating right now shows in every way that he is attracted and cares a lot for me but he doesn't say it so im left wondering whether he really does...
Fayme Zelena Harper (author) from Lucerne Valley, CA on April 03, 2007:
Men often prefer the direct approach. Ask him if he is available. The sooner you ask the better so you don't waste any more energy in the wrong direction.
Chloe on April 03, 2007:
It's a jungle all right, especially in NYC. I really really think this guy is really amazing (from what I know). We share a graduate class together, and he is in his early 30s and I am 25. We are different backgrounds and we are in a group together. There is no way to know if he is 1) single, 2) interested, 3) open to dating me.
The only way I can tell is if he asks me out. And while that sounds so simple, it is annoying and disheartening. I've known him for about a month now, and we have a group together, he asked to be in my group and definitely gets all wide-eyed and stutterie around me. I can just tell that he is definitely thinking I am cute but I can't tell if it's because I'm the hottest girl in the class or if he genuinely is attracted.
Also, men like him are usually taken, so I am not hedging any bets.
Cory Zacharia from Miami Beach, Florida on February 28, 2007:
Dear Moonmaiden, I love the advice you are giving. I got married a little over a year ago and am very happy. He fits the description you write of men with character. Believe me, I kissed quite a few toads before finding my prince. I think particulary younger women are attracted to men with an edge or who are unavailable. Love is grand.
ashley on February 27, 2007:
ok yeah i need to no how do you no if he like you or not.. because is guy in my class is talking to me.. and i lik him... and ever time i look up he is looking at me and eveytime i look at him he looks away help me
addictren on January 21, 2007:
Maybe the guy who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You" got fame and success for his "tell-all" book but your advice was simple, direct and true. No doubt a good reminder.
Iðunn on December 04, 2006:
nice batch, not sure how I missed this one.
HappyBug on November 30, 2006:
I love this! I laughed and laughed, so true, so true!
"If you have to guess whether a man is into you or not, he's not. Look at all the time I've just saved you."
Louie on November 30, 2006:
If he likes you, he will want to spend some time with you.
There is no jungle....
No need to think that deeply....