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Who is this DJ Funktual anyway?

My parents in 1981 with Keith, Denis and yours truly, Jamie


Chapter 1: Becoming Billy Joel's Nephew & the glory of Wiffle Ball.

I don't know why I'm writing this but I am and here goes...

Stardate ???????????

Birth of Funktual - Intergalactic Funk Monkey

Earth Name: Freund, James

James (2 of Christ's apostles were also named James, and are strangely referred to as James the Greater and James the Lesser) I would spend every day of my childhood wondering which of the two I would one day become. NOT REALLY.

Freund (which means "Friend" in German) although I am not German at all. Long Story.. Call me Jamie.

My mother got married to greatest guy in the world, Jim Freund when I was three so having a Dad was really never an issue. Grew up on Long Island in the towns of Farmingdale and Levittown.

I first discovered the power of music through my Aunt Carol...

Aunt Carol, Billy & Elizabeth Joel - 1981


When I was about 7 or 8 my Aunt Carol started working for Home Run which was the publishing company for Billy Joel's lyrics and music. In fact her name Carol Freund is listed in the liner notes of his album Glass Houses. She used to bring me into Manhattan all the time to play with "Uncle Billy", who would chase me around the desks of the office til he got tired and I would have to 'let him work'. (He was writing his Vietnam song "Goodnight Saigon" I would find out later.) It was run by Billy's first wife Elizabeth, who's personality was captured in Billy's pointed personal ode to her, "Big Shot".

Grew up with two awesome brothers, Keith and Denis who were five and seven years younger than me. Are you hearing the theme music to My Three Sons right now? Me too. They're both married now and still living on Long Island. (It should be noted that the ONLY PEOPLE who ever say the annoying phrase "Long-Gyland" are outsiders. We are to this day baffled by this pronunciation critique since we have no idea who actually talks like that. You've seen my vids, do I sound like that? No.)

Back to childhood..I was an altar boy at St. Kilian's parish in Farmingdale until I was "let go over Christmas" for lighting the chapel rug on fire before a mass. The wick broke off my lantern! What?

In 8th Grade, I got kicked out of St. Kilian's Catholic grammar school, so I finished at Wisdom Lane public school. In 10th Grade, I got kicked out of Holy Trinity High School too! I am proud of both of these facts to this day. Reason: each time I was kicked out it was over petty crap. I never smoked in school or cut class or cursed at teachers. I was the entertaining guy competing with the boring teacher which made me popular with all the kids. Teachers? Not so much. Every principle at every school I ever went to said the same thing to me. "You are such a nice kid, why are you always in my office?" *SHRUG* I learned soooo much more about real life and growing up in public school so fuck'em.

The work was more challenging at public school anyway. Division Avenue High School had a pretty tough reputation too but I survived.

I should mention that my first few DJ gigs were in 7th grade, including several youth group functions and even the 7th & 8th graders school dance at St. Kilian's. I still have the photos of it. I'll never forget DJing my first dance at age 14 and making out with some girl who was 17 and thinking "oh yeah, this DJin' is for me." But back to High School...

Varsity Football and playing Hero

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My High School Yearbook Photo

My High School Yearbook Photo


They did not know what to make of me there.

I was friends with the brains because I was in all Honors classes, made friends with the burnouts because I smoked cigarettes and managed the local Diamond 'T' Records on Hempstead Turnpike. Knew all the football jocks and cheerleaders because I was the starting Tight End on Varsity football for 2 years.

I also made friends with all the band and theater people because I was the lead in the play every year too. In 10th grade, I played Hero in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and in 11th I played Albert Peterson in Bye Bye Birdie. Senior year, my town voted down the budget and we went on AUSTERITY. Austerity on Long Island sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? Thank God for austerity too. because I started getting parts in regional theater productions all over L.I. under the stage name Jamie Daniels.

I was the best Wiffle Ball player on my block (which was my world). If you truly get to do what you want all day in heaven then I will be be in a sunny grassy spacious backyard with a picture-perfect Home Run fence and a Golden Lawn Chair for a strike zone. Topless ladies will serve me lemonade on the mound while I pitch and my mixtapes will be playing out a boombox through somebody's bedroom window.

I played Soccer then Baseball and by High School, just Football. I suck at basketball and always will. I love watching The Mets, Giants and Islanders, all of which won a title during my youth. The Giants twice and the Islanders won 4 straight Stanley Cups. My aunt and grandfather had season tickets for the islanders too.

Dumbest Childhood Decision: to play street hockey with Bobby Nystrom's stick that was signed by the entire 1979 Islander team, the year before they won 4 straight and a year before Nystrom himself won the very first cup for us with an overtime goal against the hated Philadelphia Flyers.

Started performing in plays and DJing full time by now and looking forward to finishing HS and starting real life...

Hair Hair Hair-Hair-Hair Flow it Show it, long as God can grow it!!!


Here I am as the Pharaoh in Joseph...(like ya know, The King)


Chapter Two: College a/k/a Not exactly the Real World

My college experience was just like any other young artists', I did a little LSD and some Magic Mushrooms, saw God, etc. Ecstasy was making it's debut around this time. Never did cocaine at all though. No Speed or Heroin either. That was where I knew to cut myself off. During this period, I lived mostly just on Marijuana and 10 cent Buffalo Wings. Ramen Noodles and Fruity Pebbles too. Then I did the classic musical HAIR at S.U.N.Y. Farmingdale which only added to the debauchery.

Then I did Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and Godspell and dozens of other plays, musicals, playhouse summer stock, etc.

I didn't want to do anything but perform after HS ended so I started doing children's birthday parties dressed up as Batman and The Joker or the Easter Bunny. Started working as a dancer for several DJ Entertainment companies. Singing telegrams too. What I really wanted though was to get away from my parents not that they did anything wrong but I was 19 years old and guess what?....ya gotta go sometime. After I met her theater friends, I moved to freakin' Albany where my friend Rosie was going to school.

There I learned all about the clitoris and what women really want. Was never racist but my homophobia was pointed out and corrected. Learned that my parents and most baby boomers had better taste in music than I did when I discovered Creedence and Al Green. But the biggest musical discovery of college was Parliament / Funkadelic. P-Funk, uncut funk. the bomb, you dig?

Read philosophy and psych books but became more and more interested in playwrighting, particularly, David Mamet, Eric Bogosian and John Patrick Shanley. I wrote a few short film scripts and revelled in the independent film movement of the 1990s was starting thanks to Quentin Tarantino and many others. Meanwhile in music Kurt Cobain had come and gone too soon. Ditto Bradley Nowell of sublime.

Went to Woodstock '94 with my friend Heidi and had a blast!

We saw Nine Inch Nails perform as Mud People which was dope!!

Note: This slide is where all the Mud People were born!

Note: This slide is where all the Mud People were born!

By 1995 most of my friends had left Albany for Manhattan and it was not long before I too arrived. Lived on 6th St. between Avenues B & C, which is of course downtown in the East Village area called Alphabet City. Started working at Jekyll & Hyde Club on 55th & 6th Avenue in 1996 where I proceded to have the best time of my life. I love those people who worked there forever. All of 'em. Actresses Missi Pyle and Mandy Siegfried came from that place too. Ditto Lucas Rooney.

Jekyll Fun: Waited on, met or actually had a conversation with the following celebrities during this period: Lauren Hutton, Marisa Tomei, Director Wes Anderson, Ace of Base, Mike Doughty then, of Soul Coughing, walked illegally onto the set of The First Wives Club and met Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler & Diane Keaton. Waited on Bob Costas, all three members of TLC at different times. Eddie Vedder, Ice-T, Stephen Spielberg, Kate Capshaw & Rita Wilson while her husband Tom Hanks was rehearsing for SNL, Then one night I literally bumped into Billy Idol at P.J. Carney's- which was the bar that the Jekyll staff always went to. It was across from The Russain Tea Room & Carnegie Hall. I actually asked Billy Idol if he wanted to smoke a blunt with me and my buds but his manager/handler pulled him away from us.

I also attended the following concerts in 1996: Saw P-Funk live in central Park, The H.O.R.D.E. Festival on Randall's Island with Lenny Kravitz, Rusted Root & Blues Traveler, Saw Maceo Parker & The JB All-Stars, Pearl Jam up in Augusta-Maine, Rage Against The Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers with Silverchair, Dave Matthews Band at the Garden with Soul Coughing, Stone Temple Pilots, Rusted Root w/ G. Love & Special Sauce at The Beacon, and many more smaller shows.

I was dating a pretty famous actress and were together almost two years around her shooting schedule. Time of my life.............until.

Comments? Should I go on?

hobsonmm on March 31, 2012:

Jamie... great Bio. You forgot the most important part... Wasting your time with us fools in Ft. Lauderdale and Boca! In the immortal words of Ashraf B "what is the loan amount"...

TeeFive on March 24, 2012:

And by the way...I moved on and found the real girl of my So its all good.

TeeFive on March 24, 2012:

You know what...I appreciate what you just wrote. Reading your page brought back a lot of crappy memories and I think you have a pretty good story without adding that stuff. So, once again, I will extend the hand I never was able to do, man to man, and say well done and good luck.

DJ Funktual (author) from One Nation Under a Groove on March 24, 2012:

Hmm. 1st of all, I was just trying to paint a picture of how reckless college was and the free love theme behind "Hair" didn't help. If this opened old scars, I really do apologize. Last thing I expected to hear, to be honest. However, I NEVER treated girls like shit EVER. I am friends with all my ex's. If it destroyed your relationship, I am sorry but there was no intent or knowledge of you on my part.

I never have given this hub much thought. Hubpages just asked me to do it because I won a contest. Your comments however about name-dropping were on point. Never thought about it before.

TeeFive on March 23, 2012:

Mr. Jamie Daniels...No need to be frightened. You should just be ashamed. What disgusts me the most about you and your life story is your section on "Hair" and the reference to the 1/4 of the cast you slept with. You see, while you are referencing it like you were putting points on the scoreboard, one of those 1/4 just happened to be my girlfriend at the time, who I was madly in love with. You treated her like a piece of trash and caused a tremendous amount of pain and sorrow in people's lives...It takes a real man to be secure in his past and not gloat about something as stupid and reckless as that "debauchery." So the next time you want to write your autobiography, realize you can still hurt people without naming names...and that behavior like that, "back in the day," was not cute, funny, or something to be proud of.

DJ Funktual (author) from One Nation Under a Groove on March 07, 2012:

If I took French after HS, I do not remember it, much less people in the class. I also broke some kids nose from my French class in Holy Trinity so I just figured it was him. Ya stumped me. (Cue Music) Who is our Mystery Guest? An axe to grind from 25 years ago? I have no clue but I hope for your sake you don't think about it too much otherwise maybe I should be frightened.

TeeFive on March 06, 2012:

Don't worry cool guy, we'll meet up soon enough and you'll recognize me. For someone who had to use a stage name, its pretty interesting that you bust my balls for not leaving my real name. heheheheheh

And it wasn't High School. C'mon! Your smarter than that! Read it! Think!

DJ Funktual (author) from One Nation Under a Groove on March 04, 2012:

Forgive me for feeling cooler than some guy who's had unresolved issues from high school and chooses to work them out thru blog comments without having the balls to leave his own name. heheheheheheheh

TeeFive on March 03, 2012:

I was shocked to read such a classy, secure guy such as yourself name drop like a common wannabe and wax poetic about all the girls you "had sex with." (1/4 of the cast of a junior college play? You STUD!) I guess growing up on the mean streets of Levittown will do that to a young fella. While you do provide an interesting glimpse into the life of a tight end/actor/smart ass, I was disturbed to read that you treated your temple to a straight diet of fruity pebbles, wings and weed. Seriously....when you are in training to discover the clitoris, you need a healthier diet.

So as I close this message to you, my former aquaintance (yes, I wll admit it and disclose that, yes, I DO have an axe to grind... and should have dropped you like 3rd period French back in the day) let me just say that in the 5 minutes that it took to read your story (which I will, regrettably, never get back), I am glad I found this opportunity to finally say, Not everybody thought you were the coolest of the cool Mr. you so clearly did (do?). Stay Funky!

jackie kiesling lorenz on April 06, 2009:

Hey Jamie,Actually, I'm in New Mexico. I've lived here most of the last 37 years.I am the mayor of my town in Cochiti Lake. I also own a restaurant in Albuquerque.Are you still in New York? How is your mom? I've thought of all of you many, many times through the years. Please send me an update.Seeing your photo causes me to tell you that I'm very proud of how you turned out. Love the peace sign.Did you ever get my letter when you turned 18?You and I just had our Pisces birthdays. Your brother Seth Ryan Kiesling turns 32 this month.Leaving for work, now.Talk to you soon, love,Kenneth

Jerrico Usher from Bend, Oregon on September 17, 2008:

I scanned it, been up 28 hours but want to revisit it tonight or tomorrow morning... ok friends shouldn't let friends read hubs on no sleep.. my appologies :)

DJ Funktual (author) from One Nation Under a Groove on September 17, 2008:

I have already posted something in the forums about your reinstatement!

The link is right there at the bottom pal.

AND Billy Joel was the fake uncle. Did you read it?

Jerrico Usher from Bend, Oregon on September 17, 2008:

DJ I had no idea you were this cool!

I'm stoked that they picked you from my 3 choices, of the three I wanted you to hit it, you've definitely earned it (I had a first choice before you but now that I think about it you were better)...

I'm glad too because this glimpse into your life is awe inspiring bro, don't forget your promise to lead the people into a revolt to get my forum privileges reinstated, to expunge my record? lol, I'm holding you to your word buddy... hehehe..

You also set a new precedence (wow 2 people in a row, were going to stir up this site and flavor it up right!?)I like how you showed me up by making not one great hub but two.. Makes me wonder if the featured Huber’s keep this trend where the HubPages community will be in say 2010 a HubPage odyssey!

Why didn't you tell me Mr. idol was your uncle? Humbled huh.. Nice.

may all your dreams come true.. your an interesting character.. Entertaining is putting it mildly :)


p.s. you should put a link in here to part two and set it up in it's own "group" so one could just click the arrow and move to hub part 2 just a suggestion

DJ Funktual (author) from One Nation Under a Groove on September 16, 2008:

ROFL. That was classic 80s movie commentary right there.

talented_ink from USA on September 16, 2008:

Wow...You definitely give a closer look into your life and it seems you've led a pretty charmed one. Maybe it's just me, but in your high school yearbook picture, you look like the typical 80's movie guy. The one that was the smartass who was lovable but goofed off, and at the end, you studied hard enough to ace the test, beat the bully, and still get the good looking girl that was your best friend that you never looked at that way. lol Good hub man.

Shirley Anderson from Ontario, Canada on September 16, 2008:

Love this glimpse into your life, Jamie! You came into the world with a whole bunch of talent just waiting to be enjoyed. Nice thing is, other people get to enjoy it right along with you.

Thx for sharing yourself with us.

Barbara from Stepping past clutter on September 16, 2008:

SO she broke your heart??? Is there a sequel?

I worked at a rock station-KAZY- in Denver about the time of that lovely family portrait above. I was the Traffic Director and input the schedule manually- ha. Like a giant puzzle every day. We played The Clash, Springsteen, Blondie, Bowie, Kool and the Gang, REO, Pat Benatar... my favorite song was "I don't like Mondays." I remember seeing Bob Dylan at The Rainbow. I was so bummed- he was in his Gospel stage and didn't play the classic "Lay Lady Lay." Guess he was in confession mode.

Great Hub, DJ. Love your rhythm.

DJ Funktual (author) from One Nation Under a Groove on September 16, 2008:

Volume 2 is under construction.

summer10 from my happy place :) on September 15, 2008:

Very Cool look at the life of an oldschool DJ. It must be amazing to wake up living and breathing music. Every decade and every genre. I love that you love what you do. You've got an awesome voice and I'm looking forward to part 2 :)

DJ Funktual (author) from One Nation Under a Groove on September 15, 2008:

This is just the beginning to. I traveled across the country and started DJing full-time waaay after this.

Dottie1 from MA, USA on September 15, 2008:

Amazing biography Jamie. I'm glad I stopped by to read.

kerryg from USA on September 15, 2008:

Wow, you have had quite the life!

Erinn Soule from Los Angeles on March 29, 2008:

Haha! FUNNY! My son goes to Mary Star HS and he got in trouble for "hiding" the communion crackers before Mass...and i thought THAT was bad! Great writing!

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