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How to Manage and Take Control of Your Anger


Everyone gets angry

Everyone gets angry at one time or the other in their lives , and are angered by different things. What makes someone really mad might not even move you. What makes you tremble with fury might not even cause any emotion in another person. Every person carries within them the ability to get angry, at any given time, over different things and situations.


Anger is a lot like laughter.

Everyone is born with the capacity to laugh, it's not something that one has to acquire over time. People will laugh when something seems funny to them, they will laugh when they are tickled, they will laugh over jokes.

Similarly anger is a natural response but a response to an undesired circumstance or a response given to a situation or thing that a person feels is insulting to him. People will get angry when they think their rights are being violated in some way. They will get angry when they are denied what they think they deserve to have.


You will always work with people and you will always interact with people,

there is no running away from that and some people will always rub you off the wrong way, and when they do you get angry. Some people are naturally slow to catch on any thing no matter how simple it might seem. That too can get you steamed up in anger. Most people don’t take kindly to having to repeat themselves severally. Having to queue up in a store to pay for items gets some people raving mad.

Employees get angry with Management for not seeing a need for a pay increase when the cost of living rises. Their anger might lead to a protest, or stay away, It might cause them to vandalize property worth millions of dollars. In some instances anger has lead to looting.

In the home a husband might get angry when he feels neglected, and likewise the wife. In some cases couples, in anger, engage in fistfights. Mounting bills can spark the anger in between a wife and a husband , responsibilities and the inability to cope with them causes couples to be angry with each other.

Seneca - How To Control Your Anger (Stoicism)


Parents get angry when their children don’t perform as expected;

a father gets incensed when he thinks his intelligence is being insulted.

Children get angry with their parents when they feel they aren’t being understood, in retaliation they snub their parents.

The nation gets angry with the government when they feel that nothing is being done about the health system for the poor. Or that nothing is being done at all for the people by the government.

Misunderstanding causes people to get angry.

There is always something being said or done to make someone somewhere react in anger.


Anger is never a solution, true people are not the same,

they reason differently, and will always have different conclusions over any given scenario. They have different perceptions and tend to react differently at any given point in time. They interpret things differently, some are good listeners and some aren’t and end up with the wrong conclusions.

In some cases anger is a way to dominate and some cases it is just a reaction to an undesired situation. Anger is generally an emotional reaction to an unwanted outcome or words that have a direct bearing on one.

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Anger is spontaneous but inability to control that anger can lead to disastrous effects,

sometimes anger leads to divorce and in other cases loss of life. For instance a husband walks in on a cheating wife, and does not think twice, he takes out a gun or knife and shots or knives the wife and the boyfriend. In some cases suspicion that one or the other is cheating results in anger that causes the angry party to file for a divorce.

Anger is an emotion which leads to actions that are not always logical. Everyone feels they are entitled to something and when that thing or condition isn’t met they get angry.

Firstly a person is denied what he feels is owed to him and secondly his ego gets bruised. He does not want to be made a fool of. He does not want to lose face in front of other people and in the face of society. He does not want ridicule. Why should he be made a laughing stock? He gets angry because he feels he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. He gets angry because his reputation is being threatened. He gets angry because he feels that people are taking him for a ride. His anger, to him, is justified. He feels anger when he feels hopeless.


All these thoughts run in the mind of the person and depending on the intensity

of the thought the anger then gets magnified. It is perpetuated when the perpetrator of that anger does not deem fit to apologize. It gets out of control and when it does the outcome is never good at times.

Anger can be managed if the angry person keeps quiet when he/she gets offended. It doesn’t mean he shouldn’t defend his case, but it means he can give himself time to cool off then after an hour or two or even a day he can now come back to give his opinion. So long as he is sure he has shimmered down. Sometimes it’s even better not to say a thing at all. Whatever is said in anger can never be retrieved, no matter how many apologies are given afterwards.

Isn’t it anger that has lead to wars in many nations? Isn’t it anger that has seen many wives battered and even killed in marriages?


You can handle the way you react to what happens around you

or what is being said to you or is said about you. You can choose to ignore it. You can choose to look like a fool and walk away from arguments. You can choose how you want to solve your issues. You can choose to walk away from a cheating wife and not give in to the temptation to mete out justice your way. You can choose to be small in the face of people who want to belittle you. You can choose to detach. When you detach from it all, everything ceases to matter. It doesn’t mean you have nothing to say but it just means for the sake of peace and harmony you choose to let it go. That means you are in control because you have managed to control yourself and thus the situation.


When Angered just take a breath and :

  • Ask yourself why you are getting angry.
  • Ask yourself if anger is really worth it?
  • Ask yourself if what is being done or said really matters?
  • Ask yourself how you would benefit from getting angry?
  • Ask yourself if the damage that would be caused when your anger is roused is really worth losing everything you hold dear?
  • Ask yourself if a life destroyed in anger would ever be resuscitated?
  • Ask yourself if it’s too much to be humble and walk away?
  • Ask yourself if you have really understood what it is all about in the first place?
  • Ask yourself if there isn’t any other way to be heard?

Anger is the cause of many being locked up in prison. Think before you get angry, will yourself to walk away. You might never know just how much harm you might do in anger. Try to be logical about everything, everyone has their own way of looking at things. Try to understand that even when others do things you don’t like you don’t have to get angry.


A woman got angry because she thought her husband was cheating on her

, she got so mad she decided to pour acid on him. He survived but lost his fingers. She lost her husband and got to spend time in prison.

A man thought his wife was cheating on him, so he stabbed her. She died. He went to prison and died there. They left an infant.

The director of an organization refused to increase the salaries for his staff, they got angry and burnt his store. Leaving them without jobs and he without a business.


Anger is never rational, it might cost you your life or the life of another.

Is it really necessary to react in anger? Once you get angry things have a way of appearing a lot worse than they really are. Anger isn’t the right place to get things in their proper perspective.

Sometimes the anger is not even founded, at least understand everything before you do decide to get angry. Understand the other person and try work out a way to reach a mutual ground.

It isn’t a good thing to be made to look like a loser but swallow your pride and walk away.

The quickest way to dissolve the anger of another is by offering an apology. Saying sorry never hurt. Instead of antagonizing the other, just apologize. It doesn’t matter if it makes you look like the fool. An apology is the best way to soothe the anger of the other person. Make it look like you mean it when you do apologize.

It is good to get angry with self and push self to do better and to achieve better. Anger is good when it is directed towards a positive outcome, but it has to be addressed in the right way, so that it motivates and challenges self and others, with no bodily harm to anyone.

The Role of Anger in Your Life

5 Keys to Controlling Anger


charity mtisi (author) from Johannesburg on March 03, 2019:

Thank you so much Sean, indeed love conquers all.The challenge is in applying it in the face of anger

Ioannis Arvanitis from Greece, Almyros on March 02, 2019:

Another one piece of Love! Excellent work, my Sister! Thank you for sharing. I believe that if you conquer ego, then the anger will vanish. Love is the answer...

“There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.”

― Plato

God bless your luminous Heart!


charity mtisi (author) from Johannesburg on March 01, 2019:

Thank you Ms Dora for your contribution.

You are correct , the energy isn't worth it in the end. I wish people would pause a bit before venting their anger...

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on February 28, 2019:

Thanks for sharing your insight and some good counsel. Some people use anger to manage others, because they find it too difficult to choose other options. Really, the energy it takes is not worth it.

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