Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.
Say, Do You
Remember the now-late Bob Ross? He's famous for his saying that he doesn't make mistakes, he has happy accidents. If you were a fan of PBS and painting, then you had to know his humble-spoken guy who many would say looked like an old hippy, but Ross made a lot of people happy by just doing what he did best: paint. And no joke intended, but he was good. Really good. I measured his talent this way: anyone who seals a deal with any major TV network to showcase their talents and then gets to sell the self-authored during the show . . .is talented.
Ross quit school early, but didn't starve. He went to work with his dad, a master carpenter and was quite frankly, good at this trade. He also joined the Service and was put in charge of 50 soldiers because he was their sergeant. Ross frequenly told the story about him having to scream at the soldiers for goofing-off or something that didn't go well, so when Ross got out of the Service, he made a personal vow to never raise his voice. And I believe him.
I Never Thought That I Would
ever approach this subject. But I was wrong. Still, I would love to delete this piece and pretend that I want to watch some sitcom of yesteryear on one of my 300,000 TV channels. Well, I exaggerated some there. I do not have 300,000 TV channels. I have half that much. Not boasting. The painful truth is I only watch about five channels. As for the other 145 channels, you can have them--the "Galaxy Sales" networks, the "Fantastic Food Fiends" channel and to say nothing about 90 music channels with music that I do not like or understand, but yet I pay for them each month.
I didn't mean to get off on a tangent, because my topic is all about dust bunnies. Now you can say, awwww, how cute. See their cute pointy ears? Just like a rabbit. And I will refrain from writing (that) rabbit who has worked for Warner Bros. over the years and has made boxcar loads of scratch. What a great life. Eat carrots. Sleep most all day and cause one man such torment that I cannot see why the guy should just leave "Rabbitville" and go further west.
But back to dust bunnies. The little guys do not mean any harm. They just occupy the place where life gave them. They are also excellent at hiding in plain sight and no one, not even the C.I.A. can ever find them. I could say that dust bunnies have every right to parade about gloating at just how easy it is for them to "pull the wool off of our eyes," but they don't. I can say that dust bunnies have the biggest hearts of all creations. I have never heard one complaint from these little ones.
The Perfect Play-Mates, The Dust Bunnies
are never too busy to take time out of their busy lives to lend a hand to some young person who is finding it hard to make a passing grade in Calculus. You'd think that our modern-day educators would write an easier Calculus book thus helping the humble people and even the dust bunnies learn more and live better lives.
But they don't. These educators seemingly finding new ways to aggravate dust bunnies. And the thing is, (which steams me), the dust bunny has never or ever will hurt anyone. Fact is: dust bunnies love mankind. They love us because they are always staying around us. Now could you say that about a bachelor uncle who visits you only at holidays? No. But the dust bunny keeps its mouth shut and doesn't make noise as they take care of your home. All without any charge. Whoever thought that we would ever think, "Free Dust Bunnies! Come by And Say Hello Today!" in America?
Dust Bunnies Are Many Things
besides being the under-the-bed crusaders to protect our beds. True. The dust bunnies are never sleeping on the job. They watch every moment for a strange animal, insect, or their sworn enemy: the housekeeper. Oh, yes. The housekeeper today comes in a female or male form and do excellent work. They do not miss one fleck of dust. The dust bunnies live in horror when they see the housekeeper come on duty. As many dust bunnies, they all crouch and do not talk in the corner of a dark closet as the housekeeper hangs up or his coat and puts on their uniform. This is as similar to the hit ABC show, "The Fugitive," starring David Janssen as "Dr. Richard Kimbell," and Barry Morse as "Lt. Phillip Jarrard, who chases "Kimball" from town-to-town in order to take "Kimball" to the Death House. Not dust bunnies. They are so elusive that they scan slide and scoot in and out of any place in the home without being noticed.
Our friends, the dust bunnies, make perfect friends. I've seen children on their stomachs gazing underneath the bed to watch the comical antics of the dust bunnies in action. They spin and twirl about giving the kids so much joy that many of these children are then destined to grow-up as happy adults. I wish that I had documented-proof that the now-late "Mr. (Fred) Rogers, in His Neighborhood," so we could have seen him be happy around the clock. I might look into this query.
Dust Bunnies:The Secret's Out Now Where They Live!
Have You or Anyone Else Ever
beheld the ugly poster in any post office telling, "Wanted Dead or Alive: 'Dangerous Dust Bunny,?" No. And you will never see one--for any amount of money. Factually-speaking, dust bunnies could have made it big in Hollywood. With the likes of "Mr. Ed," the Talking Horse; "Lassie," the Lovely Collie, who didn't use human words to talk to her master, "Timmy," she used a series of complicated barks and whines to convey her message. The other animal acts, "Trigger," Roy Rogers horse; "Fury," the black stallion; and others who fell by the wayside, but oddly-becoming, the dust bunnies. They survived
Want to know a treasured-secret? In Groom Lake, 1947, the Manhattan Project, and the Atomic Bomb testing. When our physicists finally perfected "the bomb," they tested a few of them in this area and every living thing thing was vaporized. Not the engineers, they were safe behind their sturdy walls of a house. But not dust bunnies. All for a handful of roaches, animals and birds in the far-away woods, the dust bunnies grabbed the victory. Probably they even had a hurried secret meeting and agreed that they swore that all of their offspring would live and live even in the places where the human race dared not to go.
Now talk about how strong and enduring the dust bunnies were! Oh, I have dreamed many times of when I was a young guy watching a college football game on TV, and one team was being beaten to the ground and I would whisper, I do wish that just one dust bunny would charge off of their bench and start playing the position of halfback. Not even "Blaack Magic," the very talented Gale Sayers, who had a stellar career with the Chicago Bears, could have competed with a dust bunny.
Dust Bunny Weaknesses:
and they had a few. The main enemy was a dust mop. I've told you already about the housekeeper and their dust mop. This was their number one nemesis. The dust bunnies live in fear. I would have also.
The floor mop was the second ugly enemy of the dust bunnies. The housekeeper would wet the mop and sling it on the floor and mop the water up--dust bunnies and all. But these little guys had a secret. They began to live and sleep inside the mattress on the bed. Not even the slickest homeowner never discovered our friends, the dust bunnies.
Dust Bunny Dreams Realized
if only someone had the intelligence to say, dust bunnies are as good as any sugar ant or wasp, so why can't they run for political office? Yes, why not? I've never read any law or voting area where it said that no dust bunny can ever hold an office of an elected-official. Oh, the ground that the dust bunnies never had a chance to located.
Dust bunnies could have been Superman or Batman's sidekick, well, Robin was Batman's sidekick, but the dust bunny could have ridden inside Robin's mask and never be discovered. Oh, why didn't I sit down, when I was younger, and start a campaign on allowing my friends, the dust bunnies, being allowed to star with noted comic books, films, and Broadway plays.
"Gone With The Dust Bunny," "12 Angry Dust Bunnies," and more films created by talented men and women would have been much better if . . .the dust bunny had been thought of as an equal. What really burns me is the poor dust bunny never asked one time for a paycheck or being seen in any movie magazine. Now who can beat the dust bunny for being a very humble and selfless creation?
I Know What You Are Thinking
what has master-painter, Bob Ross, have to do with dust bunnies? Well, just pay close attention. On the front, Ross keeps a neat beard and hair. Plus I wager that he also keeps an organized office and home. I would win that wager also.
But . . .remember what I said about dust bunnies living underneath one's bed and sofa? Well, I've never ventured to visit Ross is his home just to check to see if he has dust bunnies or not. Another wager that I will make and win. I suppose that the reason that Ross always has an humble smile and a warm personality that we see on his shows, is because he knows that his friends, his dust bunnies, are left to guard his home including his sofa and yes, underneath his bed.
Go ahead! I've just laid out two wagers.
As I end my loosely-written editorial, the only thing that comes to my mind is this: Bob, I appreciate you, but you have some nerve to say that you do NOT make mistakes. You have happy accidents. So in what way are my accidents "happy," huh?
Who's with me?
May 04, 2021_____________________________________________________
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© 2021 Kenneth Avery
Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on May 18, 2021:
Kenneth, to answer your question, since Maven has taken over HP, my old articles are making more money than they ever did under the previous management. I've been out of the loop since I had a stroke nearly 2 years ago, and now I'm getting motivated to start publishing again.
Kenneth Avery (author) from Hamilton, Alabama on May 15, 2021:
Gypsy Rose . . .ahhh, sweet Gypsy. It's been a while since we've talked. Firstly, THANK YOU A LOT for the sweet words. They fuel my spirit in order to stay on this website.
Say, what do all of you think about staying or leaving HubPages?
Kenneth Avery (author) from Hamilton, Alabama on May 15, 2021:
You are much-appreciated, Peggy. So glad that I have been blessed with friends like you and those on this hub.
Good friends like you (all) can't be beat.
Write me anytime.
Kenneth Avery (author) from Hamilton, Alabama on May 15, 2021:
Hey, Brenda . . .many thanks to you for taking time to read all about our friends, the Dust Bunnies.
Wonder if they were ever a dancing troupe in Vaudevile?
Maybe teaming-up with the Three Sooges?
Oh, well. At least we can appreciate them now.
Kenneth Avery (author) from Hamilton, Alabama on May 11, 2021:
No. MizBejabbers, I did not. I should have, and might will, talk about roaches, "Life's Public Enemies," or something similar.
Thanks so much.
Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on May 11, 2021:
So glad I have a couch that makes into a bed in my living room because dust bunnies can't live under or in my waterbed. Now I know to view them as little companions, not nuisances. Oh, by the way, did you know that cockroaches are interdimensional beings? That's how they survived the ice age. They just jumped into a dimension that was warmer until the earth warmed back up. I wonder if they took the dust bunnies with them since we've always had them with us.
Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on May 07, 2021:
You have me smiling this morning after reading your article. Since we never seem to collect all the dust bunnies at one time and set them free outside, I say let them live in peace and harmony! Besides living in mattresses and under beds, another terrific hiding spot is on the back of pictures on the wall and lampshades.
I wonder how often Bob Ross dusted the back of his paintings? Lassie probably scattered a few of them around the house as he hung out with Timmy and the rest of the family.
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on May 06, 2021:
I just had to take a read & I'm so glad that I did.
I love Bob Ross & you taught me a few things I didn't know.
Dust bunnies! Wow.
I think you could create a half hour sitcom with this one.
Thanks for making me smile...i saw s few dust bunnies lurking beneath my bed just thiis morning.
Gypsy Rose Lee from Daytona Beach, Florida on May 06, 2021:
Really enjoyed this and I know where you're coming from. Can you imagine that after I left Latvia almost four years ago I could say I actually missed the dust bunnies I left behind under the bed that stayed back in the bedroom, The reason simply is that often times when it was cleaning up time I would find change or some kind of objects and I would say to my husband do you remember when and so on, Suddenly I had no more house, no husband whom I missed so much and no more dust bunnies under the old bed. I hope you s loverly weekend ahead,