Kenneth, born and raised in the South, resides in Hamilton, Alabama. He enjoys sharing his unique perspectives on life through his writing.
No, The Headline Above
does not have anything to do with film star, Robert DiNaro, arguably the best actor in the film business. Who could forget his performance in GoodFellas as he portrayed, "Jimmy Conway," one of the main fellas in the film. And while this, again, is not a promotion of this gentleman, I can say with confidence that any part that he takes, he does it with such passion that he succeeds. What better compliment or honor can one in the entertainment industry ask for?
I have often thought that how great it is to be gifted with the ability of talking. I am very negligent about this, and other human gifts, way too much. I am sorry. Then there are those who make a good living with their talking. Take the professinal auctioneers for instance. A great auctioneer can pull down over a half-million in scratch on the yearly rate. Yes, I have envied LeRoy Van Dyke, Country Music singer, when he recorded his break-out hit, "The Auctioneer," in the late 1950's to the early 60's. And he did all of the auction lingo that made his song that much better.
The only remote knowledge that I have is with those tobacco auctioneers (if any are still employed) who meet each few months to auction-off the very best tobacco that the tobacco farmers grow each year and I have listened to them via TV and who could follow their tongues but the tobacco farmers? I couldn't. And I do not smoke, thank God.
This Hub is About Your Friends
and mine, the animals either in the zoo or the Bush area in Kenya or other far flung areas of our world. I love animals no matter where they are. God sure knew what He was doing when he made animals. I think that most of you will agree. One thing that bothers me is those jerks, the animal poachers, who stalk and kill our tigers, elephants, and rhino's. The jerks kill these wonderful creatures for their hides and tusks all for the sake of filthy lucre. That's it. There's nothing more revolting that I can say.
I think it is prudent that I take you along with me to our local zoo. You will surely have the time of your life. I promise. I will even buy you a bag of peanuts if want, so grab on your jacket and get into my car and within minutes, we will be having a great adventure. I promise, this is not a trick or a practical joke. This is reality, my friend. It will become deeper and more truthful because the four majestic animals that I have chosen to talk to you, yes, I did say, talk to you, have been waiting to see you, and my friend, what they say is not rehearsed.
Introducing in no particular order . . .
Me: This is My Pal, "Mr. Bengal"
a wonderful tiger from parts unknown. I planned that to keep the jerks of the world who take the tigers' lives to take their skins. Not this time. So now, you talk to this beautiful tiger.
Tiger: "Yeah, I'm a Bengal tiger, what of it?" "I live in this den of sorts, and I hate it very much. I wish that I was out in the bush where I came from. So what's your deal, human? I see that you're hungry. Give me a bite of those peanuts, it is peanuts I presume. Okay. Now what do you want to do? Oh, why or how do your find yourself listening to a talking tiger? No wonder your face is so pale. (tiger chuckles) Okay. No more jokes. Oh,
Visitor: Do the visitors of this place ever give you and money for coming out of your den and growl? Awww. I thought that you performed a little act or something. I'm sorry.
Tiger: Do I see you looking sad? Hey! I'm the one who needs to be sad. Naahh, I can dig it. You are a human who is in a rut like all humans--with jobs ,wives, kids, and more bills that can be paid in one lifetime. Me? No bills, but the meals are fine. Steak and chicken at each meal . . .free. Okay. Sorry to see you go. Come back anytime. My name is "Bobby, the Bengal, and I will see you again."
Visitor: "Good deal, ohhh, would you growl once for me?"
Me: This is My Good Friend, "Lewis Lion"
a good friend of mine. Well, he is the first one to ever chat with me a few years ago." Remember that, "Lewis?"
Lewis: Before I start, just let me say for the record, "I AM THE King of Beasts," you will do good to remember that! And Kenny, as for what you asked me about us meeting a few years go, .. .sure do, man. I remember that well. Boy, was you scared out of your skin!!! (Lewis laughs).
Me: "My human friend here, "Tom," has always wanted to meet a talking lion, and he has already met our buddy, "Mr. Bengal," so now, it's your turn to talk to "Tom."
Tom: "Nice to meet you, "Mr. Lion." How's the world treating you?"
Lion: "Are you kidding me? I--am--a--lion, stuck inside this rat hole called a lion cake!!! Know what I do all day long? Sleep most of the time, and eat. Oh, I love the food, all Blue Ribbon eats, and yeah, I spend some time with my misses, "Laurrie," and she is one good lioness."
Tom: Sorry that I made you upset. Say, would you like to trade places with me, and see what it's like to live like me and me you?"
Lewis: NO! I got to go take a nap. Bye, Tom! Now git, grrrrrrooowlllll!"
"Tom," Be Careful, But Say Hello to,"Go Go, Giraffe."
"Nice to make your acquaintance, my man," "Eddie" says very cool.
Tom: "My pleasure. And yes, you are a cool grate. Hey, you can have these sunglasses in my pocket. I never could look cool when I wore then, so here. See if it works for you."
"Wow-eeee, man, you told the truth. Thanks, man. I look 10 years younger, but hey, "Go Go" doesn't need sunglasses and flashy clothes to take out the lady giraffe's, but the sunglasses do make me look goooooddddd."
Tom: "Glad that you like them. I have enjoyed meeting and talking to your two buddies, "Bengal," and "Lewis," so what can you tell me about--how to be cool, how to get a better paying job, any ideas, Go Go?"
Go Go: "Whaaattt? I answer no questions. I am what I am. You should be like this. Don't go around talking people's heads off when you see them and that works well for the pretty girl humans that you see. Understand?"
Tom: "I'm really amazed at you, Lewis and Bengal, but what is it like for you in a typical day in here?"
Go Go: "You mean here .. .right here?"
Tom nods "yes."
Go Go: Well, man. I have to take it slow with these long legs. I would have made a great track star. (laughs). Naaahhh, things ain't that bad at all. But I have to keep my head up, get it? My head up? A joke! I cannot stick my head that far down to eat like you and the humans and my friends whom you have already met, but God made sure that I would be fed good. All I have to do is eat from the tree tops . ..and let me tell you. That is goood."
Tom: "Go Go, I hate to run, but could I get Kenneth here to come back some day and we can talk more. Kenneth has this schedule thing, (Psssst. he's wants to eat dinner. Tom whispers), so listen. It has been great. Keep it safe, my friend."
Go Go: "Sure will, bud. (he walks off to himself) thought that he would never shut-up. I don't fit well with humans."
"Tom, May I Introduce, "Ed Elephant?"
Tom: "Nice to meet you and . . .
Ed growls loudly! Tom jumps two feet and is terrified.
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, Ed."
Ed: "Oh, I'm the one who's sorry. I was rehearsing. You see, the zoo owners put on a big play each year to raise money to take care of us, so I have been tagged to be "Elton J. Elephant," and I am the co-star. The lead is "Lewis," but do not tell him or else his head will swell with ego and man, his head is big enough"
Tom: "When is your play? I want to make it a point to see your performance!"
Edward: "The play is two weeks from this Saturday night. We also have two performances the following Sunday and you can buy a ticket at the gate when you two head home."
Tom: "Thank you. Would you quote a few lines for . . .
"What??? I got word from Lewis, Larry, and Go Go, that you asked them to do things before you left them, so if I have to say a few lines for you . . .let me see the cash! You know, money!!"
ME: "Now, here. Let's keep our heads. My friend, Tom, did not mean any harm. He is just taken by you and the other three and he is even more amazed that you four are able to talk. You know. Like I was the first time we met."
Ed: (Lol. laughs softly) yes, I do remember that, but it was only a month ago. Listen, I hate to run, but I need to rehearse my part, so we will see you three weeks from Saturday and bring the peanuts LOL!"
Tom: say, what if I forget?
Ed: Don't worry! I have a near-perfect memory. Or that's what they say."
February 5, 2021___________________________________________________
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© 2021 Kenneth Avery
Sp Greaney from Ireland on February 08, 2021:
This was a funny read. I like your take on their opinions. I do wonder what would animals really say to us if they could communicate to us.
Mona Sabalones Gonzalez from Philippines on February 07, 2021:
My husband and I love animals, and whenever we travel, we always make it a point to visit the zoo. This was a fun article, imagining the animals could talk. Yes, it would be nice if that could happen. It would be nice to know how they really feel about their homes in the zoo and to know more than just what they look like. This was a very fun and interesting article.
DW Davis from Eastern NC on February 07, 2021:
An interesting perspective on what zoo animals might be thinking. I've often wondered. Here in NC, the animals have large habitats to roam in. It may not be home, but they are safe from many of the worries of the wild.
I am sad to inform you that the days of the tobacco auctioneer have passed. It must have been 20 years or so now since they've been gone. The cigarette farmers started contracting directly with the warehouses and cut out the auctioneers. Now, they are another memory of a bygone age.