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Wildlife Representatives Achieve Landmark Concessions -- Deer Crossings to be Expanded

Expansions of Deer Crossings Will Be Nationwide

Expansions of Deer Crossings Will Be Nationwide

Regional Office Establishes Nationwide Policy

(The following article is purely fictional. Any names, facts or circumstances are not intended to represent anyone or anything, living or dead. I assume the deer is alive, at least when the picture was taken.)

In a brief announcement the Regional Office for the Administration, Development, and Management of Endangered Animal Life (ROADMEAL) announced an agreement with wildlife representatives regarding an unprecedented expansion of deer crossings nationwide.

Representatives of the wildlife community were characteristically silent about this landmark achievement, and could not be reached for comment. The announcement follows months of negotiations between ROADMEAL and deer officials. At issue are not only the lack of areas designated for deer crossings, but also the inadequate placement of existing deer crossing signs. Deer officials had claimed that misplacement of existing signs abrogated previous agreements and required deer to cross at very dangerous locations.

Expanded Locations

The Obama administration had previously agreed to abide by any decisions coming out of the ROADMEAL negotiations. Over 56,000 additional miles of road will now be included in strict enforcement of the ROADMEAL decisions, and will ensure that all existing deer crossing signs will be placed in much safer locations. In exchange for these concessions, representatives of deer communities in all states except Alaska agreed to allow an increased availability of doe tags during hunting season.

Expanded Deer Crossings a Boon For Obama's Jobs Program

In a rare expression of bi-partisan support, both houses of congress passed resolutions to support an Obama plan for the construction of hundreds of deer crossing walkways, many of which would be either bridges or underpasses on both interstate and local highways. Jake Sportsoffen, director of the nationwide construction program, said "This marks a great day for the nation, especially during these times of unemployment and restricted hunting seasons."

Regional Agency Renamed

Because all deer participating in the expanded crossing program effort must now be registered as livestock, and because ROADMEAL has achieved the objectives of its original charter, their name will be changed from the Regional Office for the Administration, Development and Management of Endangered Animal Life to the Regional Office for the Administration, Development and Knowledge Involving Legal Livestock (ROADKILL).

Summary

Deer nationwide will have greater access to safer road crossings. Obama's expanded national emphasis will address unemployment concerns and will significantly increase the number of doe tags available to seasonal hunters.


Comments

lundmusik (author) from Tucson AZ on September 15, 2011:

yep,, fiction for sure :)

Brian L. Powell from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff) on September 15, 2011:

This is great! A fictional poke at bureaucratic thought process. This is fiction, right?

lundmusik (author) from Tucson AZ on September 06, 2011:

thanks Homesteadbound!! It took a while, but it was worth it :) You are certainly a prolific writer,, I'm enjoying your hubs also,,

Cindy Murdoch from Texas on September 06, 2011:

Scroll to Continue

This is great! A true animal lover. When I saw this I thought it was going to be along the same lines as the puppy mills. But this was better than I thought. No sad endings here. How long did it take to come up with words to match -- ROADMEAL and ROADKILL? Thumbs up.

Dawn Conklin from New Jersey, USA on September 03, 2011:

haha! They will probably plan a take over then, we might need to be prepared to take action :)

lundmusik (author) from Tucson AZ on September 03, 2011:

yep,, thanks dawn,, I think the world of deers should be greatly improved with this nationwide initiative... :)

Dawn Conklin from New Jersey, USA on September 03, 2011:

This is great, this made my night. I can see it now, the deer decide to cross when cars are coming and cause an accident. They then do a little hoof shake like the squirrels on the older insurance commercial after causing an accident. We may need to fight back haha!

lundmusik (author) from Tucson AZ on August 30, 2011:

thanks,, i've hit Fallen Rock a number of times,,, doesn't see to phase him, so I just drive on.

thanks for your comments!!!!

The Logician from then to now on on August 30, 2011:

I just love it, ROADMEAL lol!!! I put it on SU (stumble upon) watch your views start going up! I wonder what they are going to do about the missing Indian, Fallen Rock. Evidently they have never found him because I see road signs, "Lookout for Fallen Rock" all the time.

tlmcgaa70 from south dakota, usa on August 28, 2011:

hahaha, i can just picture it...cares stopped at the lights and deer grazing near the motion sensors causing them to signal motorists to stop...only the deer have no intention of crossing...just eating their dinner and laughing at the humans.

lundmusik (author) from Tucson AZ on August 28, 2011:

yes indeed,, with orange warning lights 100 yards up the road for the motorists.....thanks for your review

Rochelle Frank from California Gold Country on August 28, 2011:

I think they need to put up motion activated stop lights at the crossings.

lundmusik (author) from Tucson AZ on August 27, 2011:

thank you deborah; our national effort is greatly assisted by your thoughtful comment.

Deborah Demander from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on August 27, 2011:

Obtuse and tangential, in a humorous way.

Namaste.

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