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These Clichés and a Quarter Will Buy You a Cup of Coffee
“Make hay while the sun shines.” And then you can stick that hay where the sun don’t shine. But this is good advice, unless you’re a vampire farmer, because everyone knows that tractors don’t have headlights. Or do they? “Those who...
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The Pretend Print Newspaper
I recently decided to create my own business. First thing I tried to do was create a lawn care business, where people would pay me to stand in their front lawn, and say, “I really care about this lawn…” but I didn’t get many customers, and...
- 22
Knock-Knock. Who's There? A Hub With Knock-Knock Jokes!
I’m not a big fan of knock-knock jokes. Not only do most of them not make any sense and defy some sort of grammatical rule, but I fail to see the relevance of asking someone ‘who’s there?’ when I’m staring right at them. The next time...
- 16
How to Get Across the Ocean on a Budget
Do you often wonder what it’d be like to cross the ocean? Do you often long for a sea voyage, thinking it’ll bring more excitement and adventure to your life? Are you still reading this? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then here...
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Pants Are Evil
When’s the last time you thanked someone for wearing pants? Probably never, right? Well, next time you go out, preferably tomorrow, walk up to a stranger, or simply turn around and face the person standing behind you in line, and say, “Thank...
- 16
How to Use Proper English to Make Understand You More People
Scene one. Open up on pathetic little man scribbling madly away in a weather worn notebook, wearing a helmet on his head carved from a watermelon. Okay, action. A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I first learned how to write. This...
- 18
My Left Foot
I recently underwent a study on how useful my left foot actually is, because I always thought it was useless. I started the experiment by taking off my socks, which I rarely do these days. Before I could study my left foot, I had to uncover it, so...
- 65
Things to Do on a Submarine
There are a lot of things you can do on a submarine. However, space is limited. Scientists say that space is infinite, but it really isn’t. They obviously haven’t been on a submarine. So what can you do on a submarine? There are a lot of...
- 58
Things that Cross the Road
Has the following ever happened to you? Have you ever driven home, your heart racing and your knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel, and pull into your driveway, just to sit there for about ten minutes, the engine running, as you stare...
- 49
Some Helpful Tips for Fighting
There’s a movie called Fight Club, released in 1999. It’s a beautiful story of two different individuals that grew up together on a farm. One day, they become separated and embark on separate journeys to find each other. It’s the greatest...
- 35
Songs By The Beatles
The following are songs performed, recorded, and/or written by The Beatles. I’ve listed them in no particular order and didn’t add any words of my own, only punctuation. There are 230+ song titles listed, but if you can think of any that I might...
- 194
Used Organs For Sale
Before I get into detail on what I’ll be putting on the market, I’d like to point out that I did not come into possession of these organs illegally. They are my personal organs and I’ve had them in storage for a little over twenty-four years...
- 23
It's Not a Monkey, It's a Time Machine
Is time travel actually possible? My mother seems to think so. She gave me a list of things to look for in a future wife. What we should name our future kids. I didn’t think at the time that marrying someone from the future was even an option, but...
- 56
How You Make to Write More Better
I’m not the best thing since sliced bread, or even bagels, for that matter. I’m not a published author. I don’t teach English classes. I can’t say my ABCs backwards or keep a straight face when someone says duty . I can’t even remember...
- 152
Your First 5 Dates
Do you have a date? Congratulations. I’m jealous. Is it a first date? If so, here are some suggestions for men who are about to go out on a date with a certain woman for the first time. You want to impress her. You want to show her a good time....
- 22
The Leprechaun's Pot of Gold
John Doe was broke. Not to say he no longer worked, like an appliance that's desisted on life, but that he no longer had any money. Ok, so he no longer worked, either, for he’d quit his job years ago, which is the main reason he no longer had any...
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Do Ewes Use U's?
Instead of rambling on and on about the possibility that sheep may actually be able to talk, I’m just going to go ahead and state that no, ewes don’t use U’s. Animals can’t talk, unfortunately. Or fortunately, I should say, because the last...
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6 Signs You Might Be Crazy
Perhaps the most important step in becoming sane and/or normal, is admitting that you might be crazy. Which is harder? A crazy person trying to convince everyone else that they’re not crazy, or that same crazy person trying to convince themselves...
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A Few of My Least Favorite Things
The only thing I have in common with cats. I find some things annoying. Cats, for one, but I won’t go into detail on that issue. Cats wearing clothes, I find that very annoying. Cats on calendars. I’ve never been on a calendar and I find it...